Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.
"Just talking and showing won't help much. He needs to try things before he can get them right."
Eventually, Roy had to take things into his own hands. Was it really his fault that it had ended up so literal?
"You could have roped in the typing pool instead, they moon over the Colonel all the time."
He decided, then, quite firmly, that he wasn't ever going to drink coffee again, with anybody. It was too risky.
"Edward," Hawkeye said kindly, "has it occurred to you that you and Alphonse may be spending too much time alone?"
Well, it sure looks like the rumors were true about Wednesday nights, Ed thought, easing inconspicuously along the edges of the room. But I never knew so many soldiers were gay.
"Brother says Mr. Mustang grabbed his behind today while he was at the blackboard," he explained as his blush slowly faded, and Ed scowled.
You could attribute it to teenage rebellion, if you liked, or to homunculus-hormones, which could be quite fierce, or heck, maybe she was just living up to her name.
"Bill for repair of said hotel after occupants of said room 'incited riot'?"
"I am not obsessed with Edward Elric!"
Ed frowned slightly; that thought pushed dangerously at the border of sappiness.
Al decided he didn't like that particular grin on his brother's face.
The air feels cold against Al's face, and even colder down his naked back.
He'd lied in smoke filled bars. He'd hunted down lubricants in seedy stores that catered to the most iffy of clientele. Alfons had EARNED Ed's love.
"It's blue!" Edward announced with the voice of desperation.
"Oh yeah... Huh!" Ed looked around, brightening. "Wow, it looks a lot different upright and not burning."
He was just contemplating a launch, kick and a dash for the window when Armstrong's hands closed in his hair.
There was a lot to be said for experimentation, Ed thought later, when Al was curled up in his arms as Winry fussed in the bathroom.
Gloved hands shot out and grabbed the book in question, dragging it off the shelf and holding it to the light.
"My neighbors would start saying things behind my back if I took home a suit of armor."
Pillow talk, with the Fullmetal Alchemist, was shop talk.
The only problem was that Ed didn't know what the heck "getting some" was or what he was being congratulated for.
"So," said Ling. "I was thinking, perhaps my father can buy out Ed's contract."
And everyone knows, when a homunculus is in trouble, there’s only one place to go!
"And search for free porn." Havoc pointed out.
The door opened, and all the energy Ed had been ready to put towards transmuting the door into a pile of sticks drained out of him through his feet.
The kid had said she was into ... different things, but in all his years Greed could not recall ever having found eggs a helpful sex aide.
A small biological flaw, if one could even consider it that.
"Al," Ed said seriously and leaned forward to look up into his brother's glowing eyes, "if he had mind control powers, you would tell me, right?"
The staff look at each other, look at their automail bottle-opener, and prepare to duck.
"Hey, Ed, you're awfully cheery this morning."
And then the Words were coming again, maddening addiction crawling straight down inside, making him itch, making him want.
One day Edward was out kicking the crap out of those damn Homunculus with Al...
He was coming to read Alfons pretty well now too, and from what Al did understand he could give as good as he got.
"Well... Brother does that, every so often. He really should think before he tries to attack people."
There was a crunching noise from Roy's direction, as of teeth biting through the edge of a porcelain cup.
"Hey! She did it blindfolded! No one else could do that! And better her than that old hag!"
In a blur of red and flying braid, Ed is on his knees before her.
If Ed had his way, his allowance (and all of Roy's salary) would be spent entirely on the most expensive brand of dog food to have ever existed.
The Colonel narrowly saved himself the disgrace of fumbling for Edward's name (Id? Alex? Eowan?) by resorting, once again, to his title.
"Stop that," he snapped, flicking the tap on. "Change into something a little more appropriate. You're not him, brother."
It was the first official meeting of the Big But Not Scary Club.
"I'm sorry! Look, I'll fix it. I didn't know it was going to turn out this way!"
"Huh? Whose fault? Ahahah.. aha..." Ed tried to avoid the topic.
"Oh, what would YOU know? said Winry. "You've never looked at a girl in your life."
Envy had to admit, Edward Elric's body was convenient for maneuvering around the people in a crowd.
"Stupid bullies," Ed grumbled, limping for a few steps before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be feeling it. "Call me a girl, will they?"
Fullmetal was starting to turn slightly purple, now, which definitely clashed with his coloring...