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humor

Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.


He was, to sum up, a pretty unpleasant guy to have at the head of your department in the holiday season.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | drama | fusion | humor | romance


No kinks, no cross-dressing, no tag-team threesomes, and all pets must be ushered out of the room beforehand.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Shambhala | humor | kink | pwp


I noticed, Ed told him with as much edge as he could muster.

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Ed/Roy | general | humor | pwp | sap


Sergeant Broche smiled in frozen panic at the miniature devil that had cornered him in the officer's mess.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alicia Hughes | humor | 354th FG HQ


Roy stuck a finger in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it as he savored the heavy and rich fluid.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


"You have no idea how good you look right now," Roy said.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | meta


Ed shrugged, although his expression suggested he was trying to keep from being too smug about beating a man almost twice his age.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | drama | humor


After so many years in the dark, Edward Elric had discovered he had a libido after all, and it was unfortunately exacting its frustrated vengeance upon one Alphonse Elric.

rated:M-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | Al/Ed | 354th FG HQ


"For only one arm..." Ed rasped out, gritting his teeth against the pain.

rated:M-L | GEN | pre-series | SP: ep 03 | gore | humor | redux | Elric Kyoudai


Unexpectedly, the door flew open with a loud bang, steps sounded on the tile, and a very familiar, very cranky voice said...

rated:K-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | blood | humor | pwp | Ed/Envy/Roy


“Um, you must’ve learned that from Colonel Bastard.  You’d better not be flashing that at the nurses.  Or at me, ever, ever again.”

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | humor


Thank you General Mustang. At least that creep was good for something. Winry still wasn't convinced he was good for Ed.

rated:K-L | S+S | Brotherhood | post-series | DF: ep 43 | Alphonse Elric | Winry Rockbell | Ed/Roy | humor | 354th FG HQ | 2010 Best New Voices, Neophyte


"Stop that," he snapped, flicking the tap on. "Change into something a little more appropriate. You're not him, brother."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | action | angst | drama | humor | Al/Ed


It was an old argument — practically every night, the ritual sparring for who'd be in control.

rated:K-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | Ed/Roy | age difference | humor | rival-love


Sometimes he outright disappeared for hours, leaving Al feeling panicked.

rated:G | S+S | humor | Ed/__


There was a crunching noise from Roy's direction, as of teeth biting through the edge of a porcelain cup.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


Winry was ten when her grandmother commented that she already needed training bras.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Winry Rockbell | humor


Yes, something was amiss, and Roy Mustang was going to find out what.

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | Kain Fuery | Roy Mustang | humor


"That's what you said last time. And the time before that. And," he added, dragging the feather upward with maddening slowness, "The time before that."

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | general | humor | sweet | Al/Ed


It took you long enough to make your call. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how to work a phone.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | humor | script | 354th FG HQ


"I'm going to plant a few solid pounds of Risembool milled steel right in her catty, smirking face is what I'm going to do!"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | genderswitch | humor | 354th FG HQ


He'd lied in smoke filled bars. He'd hunted down lubricants in seedy stores that catered to the most iffy of clientele. Alfons had EARNED Ed's love.

rated:G | S×S | Shambhala | Ed/Alfons | humor | Al/Ed


Smug, he'd stayed just long enough to give his report and then had marched straight off to Resembool with Al lagging behind.

rated:K-L | M×F S×S | Brotherhood | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Roy Mustang | general | humor | Ed/Various | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept


Typical Ed; overprotective, hypocritical, condescending, and for some reason fundamentally incapable of treating Al as an equal.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Al/Ed


Edward Elric was notoriously known for his intense dislike of milk.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | humor | Elric Kyoudai


"You paid for him to have sex?" Mustang says incredulously, putting his pen down on the table top and shoving the form away. "You bought him a prostitute?"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Alt Universe | alt-timeline | Roy Mustang | humor | pwp | romance | Al/Ed | 354th FG HQ | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept


"You're a lightweight," Roy said dryly, and smiled at the face Ed pulled. "That's enough for tonight, I think."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Al/Winry | Ed/Roy | drama | humor


"I'm too young to die," Ed babbled.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | kink | cosplay


"Alchemy is intended for the public good. If it wasn't anything illegal, why the need for secrecy?"

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


Really, who said that a woman's sex life had to end at 60? An experienced woman had a lot to offer, and Pinako was quite, quite experienced.

rated:M-L-S | M×F | Fullmetal | crack | humor | ref. drugs | Pinako/Roy | Ed/Czeska/Winry


The only problem was that Ed didn't know what the heck "getting some" was or what he was being congratulated for.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | fluff | humor


She looked the wire over for a minute, noting where the insulation had been stripped away for retuning, then tugged it gently, careful not to pull too hard.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | Ed/Winry | humor


Ling tried to cover his way with sly smiles and clever lines; he played at being a fool (and did it very well), when he was anything but.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Ed/Ling


"I am not obsessed with Edward Elric!"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | SP: ep 10-11 | Ed/Russell | dubcon | humor | redux | romance


"Well... Brother does that, every so often. He really should think before he tries to attack people."

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Roy Mustang | humor | Elric Kyoudai


Edward Elric was in an exceedingly bad mood.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | humor


"Edward," Hawkeye said kindly, "has it occurred to you that you and Alphonse may be spending too much time alone?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


"There is no corresponding word in your language. There is consort, but most people seem to think that that is some kind of advisory position. Then there is wife, which is a bit closer to the true definition--"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Mangaverse | mid-series | humor | romance | Ed/Ling
sequel: Food Fight |


She had heard all the lines before. Pinako was a female in a mostly male line of work, after all.

rated:G | M×F | Fullmetal | humor | Armstrong/Pinako


"You. Boy by the window who's been doodling all the way through. What would be the result of this equation?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | drama | general | humor


He didn't die of natural causes, oh no — the old man clung to life tenaciously.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor | parody


Such strength. Such dignity. Such discipline. So not the person she was supposed to seduce.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | humor | Armstrong/Lust


One day Edward was out kicking the crap out of those damn Homunculus with Al...

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | badfic | humor | 2004 First Kiss, Gen


"In case you hadn't noticed," Ed went on, poking Roy in the chest, "I am no longer twelve."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | sap


The kid is easily recognizable by his golden hair and eyes, his automail arm and leg, and the obvious chip on the shoulder.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | DF: ep 01 | sidestory: The Path Not Taken | humor


The door opened, and all the energy Ed had been ready to put towards transmuting the door into a pile of sticks drained out of him through his feet.

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | pwp | reluctant uke


Let me start by saying that I love my grandchildren.  Actually, they’re my great great grandchildren, but that’s repetitive and makes me sound old, so screw that.

rated:G | S×S | Shambhala | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Alfons | humor | sap


Sometimes Al thinks that somewhere back in the Armstrong family tree lurks an alchemical accident in a sequin factory.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Al/Roy | humor | Al/Ed


Ed jabbed accusingly with an automail finger — nearly putting out Mustang's eye as he did so — and shrieked, "You're a crossdresser!"

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


To every outlandish, self-serving, and sometimes damn near suicidal thing that Edward Elric suggested, Jean Havoc would always reply mildly, with just a touch of good humor, "You're the boss."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | bdsm | crossdressing | humor | Ed/Havoc