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humor

Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.


"I'm going to plant a few solid pounds of Risembool milled steel right in her catty, smirking face is what I'm going to do!"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | genderswitch | humor | 354th FG HQ


The audience fades away; the chatters dies, their twin breaths are the soft herald of thunder to come.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | DF: ep 01 | sidestory: The Path Not Taken | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | humor


...Edward saw red - but he took a couple of deep breaths before answering. He knew a real kicker now, thanks to Hawkeye.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


Send your letters to our own Agony Aunt, Samantha!

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


"You know it's a good thing I heal almost immediately, because otherwise I'd be so sore, I'd never get anywhere in the story."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Mangaverse | SP: movie | Edward Elric | crack | humor | pwp | meta


"Do we still have cucumbers? Or I guess I could transmute a mold, do you need this dining chair?"

rated:K-S | M+F | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | Ed/OC | Ed/self


You don't want to see spicy photos of my gorgeous girlfriend?

rated:K | GEN | Mangaverse | pre-series | SP: up to ch 62 | Maes Hughes | Roy Mustang | humor


Smug, he'd stayed just long enough to give his report and then had marched straight off to Resembool with Al lagging behind.

rated:K-L | M×F S×S | Brotherhood | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Roy Mustang | general | humor | Ed/Various | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept


The only other tradition that was better than eggnog to Al, was that of mistletoe.

rated:K | S+S | Shambhala | post-series | SP: movie | fluff | humor | Al/Ed | alcohol


He lay back on the couch (in Roy Mustang's office, where else?) and declared , "I'm not wearing this."

rated:M-L-S | GEN S×S | Fullmetal | unhappy Edward | fluff | humor


"Fuhrer my ass," Edward said. "He's still nothing but a perverted old man."

rated:M-L-S | M×F S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | humor | 354th FG HQ | Roy/__ | orgy


The Colonel's staff next door ignored the pleas for help and gunshots.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | fluff | humor


Edward Elric was notoriously known for his intense dislike of milk.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | humor | Elric Kyoudai


Al decided he didn't like that particular grin on his brother's face.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | unhappy Roy | humor


This was getting crazy. He knew that his college years ran equivalent with his sexual peak, but honestly?

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Alt Universe | autoeroticism | humor | Al/Ed | meta


Envy had to admit, Edward Elric's body was convenient for maneuvering around the people in a crowd.

rated:K-V | GEN | Fullmetal | Envy | humor


They would have had a bitter bitchfight had both suddenly not stopped and realized it was all Roy's fault.

rated:K | M+F S+S | Fullmetal | all-series | Ed/Roy | Riza/Roy | humor


“Um, you must’ve learned that from Colonel Bastard.  You’d better not be flashing that at the nurses.  Or at me, ever, ever again.”

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | humor


"For only one arm..." Ed rasped out, gritting his teeth against the pain.

rated:M-L | GEN | pre-series | SP: ep 03 | gore | humor | redux | Elric Kyoudai


"But he's just a kid... he's too short to be a criminal..."

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | crossover | humor | Elric Kyoudai


"Yeah. Him again. The Colonel doesn't know when to quit, does he?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | general | humor


Edward glared up at him, wiping some of the stuff off his nose.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | drama | humor


The idiot prince still couldn't be bothered to figure out the different notes and coins, probably because he'd never actually paid for anything in his life.

rated:K-L | S+S | Mangaverse | mid-series | SP: Ch. 84 | Edward Elric | Greed | Ling Yao | humor | introspective | UST


The voice hit Ed like a blow, and drove the breath from his lungs. "Where are you?" he shouted. "Where are you?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | drama | humor


Any girl would be driven insane if she was the youngest child and the only girl in a family of six children.

rated:K-V | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Riza Hawkeye | drama | humor


This really was turning out to be a day of surprises, thought Roy.

rated:K-L-V | S+S | Mangaverse | mid-series | SP: up to ch 35-ish | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Riza Hawkeye | Roy Mustang | Ed/Roy | action | humor | UST


Yes, something was amiss, and Roy Mustang was going to find out what.

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | Kain Fuery | Roy Mustang | humor


"It was Colonel Mustang, in the Library, with the knife!"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


"Oh, what would YOU know? said Winry. "You've never looked at a girl in your life."

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | TWT | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Winry Rockbell | humor | sweet


Ed opened his mouth, and then closed it. "Visibility is that important to you, huh?" he said.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | TWT | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | humor | 354th FG HQ


"You. Boy by the window who's been doodling all the way through. What would be the result of this equation?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | drama | general | humor


"Shut up. Don't say anything. I made you food, and there's beer in the icebox, and happy fucking Oktoberfest."

rated:K-L | S×S | Shambhala | mid-series | Ed/Alfons | crossdressing | humor


"Stop that," he snapped, flicking the tap on. "Change into something a little more appropriate. You're not him, brother."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | action | angst | drama | humor | Al/Ed


"Get out of the kitchen, brother," he snarled, waving the spatula threateningly. "I'm still cooking, damnit."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | sweet | Al/Ed


Such strength. Such dignity. Such discipline. So not the person she was supposed to seduce.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | humor | Armstrong/Lust


"He's the Fullmetal Alchemist," Alphonse interrupted, tapping his pen against his clipboard. "Are you sure you're up to the task?"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | fluff | humor | Al/Ed | Ed/OC


You could attribute it to teenage rebellion, if you liked, or to homunculus-hormones, which could be quite fierce, or heck, maybe she was just living up to her name.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | mid-series | Lust/Roy | crack | humor


"I'll have you know I'm in a committed monogamous relationship."

rated:G | S+S | crack | humor | Roy/__


"In case you hadn't noticed," Ed went on, poking Roy in the chest, "I am no longer twelve."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | sap


The door opened, and all the energy Ed had been ready to put towards transmuting the door into a pile of sticks drained out of him through his feet.

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | pwp | reluctant uke


As stated in the catalog, our Model 436b Hairless Ape is highly customizable, designed with the discerning deity in mind.

rated:G | GEN | Alt Universe | humor | parody


High school and sexuality are hard enough to deal with, without adding high explosives to the mix.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Alt Universe | alt-timeline | drama | dubcon | humor | 2009 Brave New Worlds, Reprint | Archer/Kimblee


"Can't you forget what you read for a few minutes, and just... you know... go with the flow?"

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | pwp | Farman/Havoc


"We ought to have a toast," Ed says, frowning into the depths of his bottle. "They always do when they're having a drink in someone's memory."

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Winry Rockbell | angst | humor


One day Edward was out kicking the crap out of those damn Homunculus with Al...

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | badfic | humor | 2004 First Kiss, Gen


Are those little flamels on his pajamas? Where the hell does he shop, Alchemist Cliches 'R Us?

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Envy | humor


You had to hand it to Roy, he certainly knew how to keep his cool.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"Go back to sleep, Mustang," Ed answers absently, flipping the page.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"I know those court ordered anger management classes were years ago, but you've come such a long way."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | Al/Riza | Ed/Roy | drama | fluff | humor | romance | Havoc/OC | next-gen