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humor

Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.


Right. He saw their little game. They wanted to freak him out, break his mind into little pieces. He could resist.

rated:M-S | M×F | Fullmetal | mid-series | SP: ep 40 | humor | Envy/Sloth


"I'll have you know I'm in a committed monogamous relationship."

rated:G | S+S | crack | humor | Roy/__


"Do we still have cucumbers? Or I guess I could transmute a mold, do you need this dining chair?"

rated:K-S | M+F | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | Ed/OC | Ed/self


Roy stuck a finger in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it as he savored the heavy and rich fluid.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


The only other tradition that was better than eggnog to Al, was that of mistletoe.

rated:K | S+S | Shambhala | post-series | SP: movie | fluff | humor | Al/Ed | alcohol


Let it never be said that whatever his obsessive tendencies, Edward Elric was unable to enjoy life's simpler pleasures.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"My neighbors would start saying things behind my back if I took home a suit of armor."

rated:G | M+F | Mangaverse | crack | humor


Fullmetal smiled a long, slow smile, the sort that promised evil things were in the near future, and put his boots up on Roy's desk.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | humor


Welcome to the military, Fullmetal."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | kink | Ed/Various


Schezcka pushed her glasses up, using the glass reflection to hide her eyes.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Czeska/Winry | humor | sap


"I'm too young to die," Ed babbled.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | kink | cosplay


It’s February in Central. There’s nothing better to do.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | post-series | Jean Havoc | Roy Mustang | Winry Rockbell | bitter | humor | sweet | alcohol


As stated in the catalog, our Model 436b Hairless Ape is highly customizable, designed with the discerning deity in mind.

rated:G | GEN | Alt Universe | humor | parody


"Stop that," he snapped, flicking the tap on. "Change into something a little more appropriate. You're not him, brother."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | action | angst | drama | humor | Al/Ed


It took you long enough to make your call. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how to work a phone.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | humor | script | 354th FG HQ


Al should've never told his mother the box was a present for Winry.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Winry Rockbell | fluff | humor


The magazine told him he was doing it all wrong. First, it said he was boring. Then, it said he was bad in bed. Next, it said he was inconsiderate. After that, it told him he was gullible.

rated:K-L | S×S | Alt Universe | post-series | Ed/Roy | humor | romance | waff | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept


"Tall girls need not apply," Hughes read aloud, without even the trace of a smirk.

rated:K | M+F S+S | Fullmetal | mid-series | First Place, Het & Non-Het | Green Lion Winner | Riza Hawkeye | Roy Mustang | angst | humor | sweet | Elric Kyoudai | 354th FG HQ | 2004 First Kiss, Non-Het


"No funny business!" Ed thundered, not fooled for one minute by that innocent look.

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | pwp | reluctant uke


"Huh? Whose fault? Ahahah.. aha..." Ed tried to avoid the topic.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Roy | fluff | humor


Send your letters to our own Agony Aunt, Samantha!

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


"Stupid bullies," Ed grumbled, limping for a few steps before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be feeling it. "Call me a girl, will they?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


"Because," said Al flatly, "Roy is dark and handsome and--most importantly of all--charming. And you're short and blond and obnoxious."

rated:K-L | S+S | Mangaverse | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Roy | humor


“Sir,” he says, and Roy could be imagining it, but he thinks Falman’s usually flat tone has a hint of panic in it.  “Have you read this memo yet?”

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | Heymans Breda | Jean Havoc | Kain Fuery | Riza Hawkeye | Roy Mustang | Vato Falman | humor


Please don't tell my brother. I don't think he'd understand.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


"Hey! She did it blindfolded! No one else could do that! And better her than that old hag!"

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | crack | fluff | humor


"In case you hadn't noticed," Ed went on, poking Roy in the chest, "I am no longer twelve."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | sap


"You can't do that! This is a shounen series!" he hissed.

rated:M-S | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Ed/Roy | drama | humor | meta


"Just talking and showing won't help much. He needs to try things before he can get them right."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | DF: movie | bondage | humor | Al/Ed/Alfons


Brother likes to pretend that he doesn't care what goes on in the military unless it directly affects him. Or, you know, directly offends him. One or the other.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | humor | 354th FG HQ


“Um, you must’ve learned that from Colonel Bastard.  You’d better not be flashing that at the nurses.  Or at me, ever, ever again.”

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | humor


"And search for free porn." Havoc pointed out.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | drama | humor | 354th FG HQ


"There is no corresponding word in your language. There is consort, but most people seem to think that that is some kind of advisory position. Then there is wife, which is a bit closer to the true definition--"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Mangaverse | mid-series | humor | romance | Ed/Ling
sequel: Food Fight |


Are those little flamels on his pajamas? Where the hell does he shop, Alchemist Cliches 'R Us?

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Envy | humor


Winry was ten when her grandmother commented that she already needed training bras.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Winry Rockbell | humor


He underestimates the little things, like how long it will take him to put his socks on in the morning, and she comes up the stairs when breakfast is long since over to find him crouched over a torn stocking, blinking back furious tears...

rated:M | M+F M×F | Fullmetal | all-series | SP: ep 51 | Ed/Winry | angst | drama | humor


"He's the Fullmetal Alchemist," Alphonse interrupted, tapping his pen against his clipboard. "Are you sure you're up to the task?"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | fluff | humor | Al/Ed | Ed/OC


"Colonel, if I may ask... what is a cat, to be more precise, a kitten doing in the office?"

rated:G | GEN | humor | 354th FG HQ


There was a lot to be said for experimentation, Ed thought later, when Al was curled up in his arms as Winry fussed in the bathroom.

rated:M-L-S | M×F S×S | humor | sweet | Al/Ed/Winry


You don't want to see spicy photos of my gorgeous girlfriend?

rated:K | GEN | Mangaverse | pre-series | SP: up to ch 62 | Maes Hughes | Roy Mustang | humor


Let me start by saying that I love my grandchildren.  Actually, they’re my great great grandchildren, but that’s repetitive and makes me sound old, so screw that.

rated:G | S×S | Shambhala | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Alfons | humor | sap


"Don't worry about it," he says bossily. "I know what to do. Give me the book--don't close it--ah, thanks."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | sweet | Al/Ed


"You have no idea how good you look right now," Roy said.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | meta


Ed jabbed accusingly with an automail finger — nearly putting out Mustang's eye as he did so — and shrieked, "You're a crossdresser!"

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


Alphonse washed, and Edward dried (owing to the automail; safer not to submerge), and between the two of them the stack eventually diminished.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | fluff | humor | Elric Kyoudai


Typical Ed; overprotective, hypocritical, condescending, and for some reason fundamentally incapable of treating Al as an equal.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Al/Ed


He lay back on the couch (in Roy Mustang's office, where else?) and declared , "I'm not wearing this."

rated:M-L-S | GEN S×S | Fullmetal | unhappy Edward | fluff | humor


Edward Elric was in an exceedingly bad mood.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | humor


"You paid for him to have sex?" Mustang says incredulously, putting his pen down on the table top and shoving the form away. "You bought him a prostitute?"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Alt Universe | alt-timeline | Roy Mustang | humor | pwp | romance | Al/Ed | 354th FG HQ | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept