scimitarsmile

Menu

humor

Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.


Such strength. Such dignity. Such discipline. So not the person she was supposed to seduce.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | humor | Armstrong/Lust


Sometimes Al thinks that somewhere back in the Armstrong family tree lurks an alchemical accident in a sequin factory.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Al/Roy | humor | Al/Ed


This would be so much easier if he could just refuse the man to his face.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | fluff | humor | Sloth/Wrath


One day Edward was out kicking the crap out of those damn Homunculus with Al...

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | badfic | humor | 2004 First Kiss, Gen


He mostly trusted his brother to be able to put a nearly-three-year-old to bed by himself, but...Al should probably check, just to be sure.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alicia Hughes | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | humor


Fullmetal smiled a long, slow smile, the sort that promised evil things were in the near future, and put his boots up on Roy's desk.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | humor


He didn't die of natural causes, oh no — the old man clung to life tenaciously.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor | parody


The magazine told him he was doing it all wrong. First, it said he was boring. Then, it said he was bad in bed. Next, it said he was inconsiderate. After that, it told him he was gullible.

rated:K-L | S×S | Alt Universe | post-series | Ed/Roy | humor | romance | waff | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept


Are those little flamels on his pajamas? Where the hell does he shop, Alchemist Cliches 'R Us?

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Envy | humor


"Well, I guess she can't keep him away from every bitch in heat around this place."

rated:K-L | GEN | Mangaverse | TWT | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | humor | 354th FG HQ


Edward Elric swallows.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Ed/Roy | humor


While Al couldn't say he approved, he was certain the Colonel wasn't stupid enough to try anything with Ed on a first date.

rated:K | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


He underestimates the little things, like how long it will take him to put his socks on in the morning, and she comes up the stairs when breakfast is long since over to find him crouched over a torn stocking, blinking back furious tears...

rated:M | M+F M×F | Fullmetal | all-series | SP: ep 51 | Ed/Winry | angst | drama | humor


Ed shrugged, although his expression suggested he was trying to keep from being too smug about beating a man almost twice his age.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | drama | humor


Ed gave a scream of incoherent rage. "AL! YOU BASTARD!"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


There was a lot to be said for experimentation, Ed thought later, when Al was curled up in his arms as Winry fussed in the bathroom.

rated:M-S | M×F S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | fluff | humor | Al/Ed/Winry


The door opened, and all the energy Ed had been ready to put towards transmuting the door into a pile of sticks drained out of him through his feet.

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | pwp | reluctant uke


Schezcka pushed her glasses up, using the glass reflection to hide her eyes.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Czeska/Winry | humor | sap


It was honestly not a kiss.

rated:K-L-S | S+S | Mangaverse | mid-series | humor | romance | Ed/Ling
prequel: Wife | sequel: Photographs |


Ed jabbed accusingly with an automail finger — nearly putting out Mustang's eye as he did so — and shrieked, "You're a crossdresser!"

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


High school and sexuality are hard enough to deal with, without adding high explosives to the mix.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Alt Universe | alt-timeline | drama | dubcon | humor | 2009 Brave New Worlds, Reprint | Archer/Kimblee


With two younger sisters himself, he knew well that siblings quarreled, but never to this extent.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | crack | humor


Roy smiled slowly as Edward approached his desk, his usual careless pose turned into something... challenging.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


There was a crunching noise from Roy's direction, as of teeth biting through the edge of a porcelain cup.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


"Hey, Ed, you're awfully cheery this morning."

rated:K | S+S | Mangaverse | mid-series | SP: Ch. 84 | Greed | humor | Ed/Ling


"Brother says Mr. Mustang grabbed his behind today while he was at the blackboard," he explained as his blush slowly faded, and Ed scowled.

rated:G | S+S | Alt Universe | humor


His brother was brilliant at many things, but finances were not one of them.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor | Elric Kyoudai


That was the problem with girls these days... they just didn't know how to deal with a little pain.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Edward Elric | OC | Pinako Rockbell | humor


"Al," Ed said seriously and leaned forward to look up into his brother's glowing eyes, "if he had mind control powers, you would tell me, right?"

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | sap


"I know those court ordered anger management classes were years ago, but you've come such a long way."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | Al/Riza | Ed/Roy | drama | fluff | humor | romance | Havoc/OC | next-gen


He read his father's old, dog-eared textbooks, fascinated by the mechanics of alchemy.

rated:G | GEN | Zolf J. Kimblee | drama | humor


"I don't think there's anything wrong with you, Brother," Al said loyally, and Ed scowled.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


Yes, something was amiss, and Roy Mustang was going to find out what.

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | Kain Fuery | Roy Mustang | humor


"All this will do is give your soul access to the feelings that should be in your body right now, just like a normal teenage boy."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Al/Ed


I noticed, Ed told him with as much edge as he could muster.

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Ed/Roy | general | humor | pwp | sap


... and the moral of the story is - well, I guess there's no moral to this story, it's just a bunch of stuff that happened. Kind of like the rest of this movie.

rated:G | GEN | Shambhala | all-series | SP: movie | crack | humor | script | parody


"Tall girls need not apply," Hughes read aloud, without even the trace of a smirk.

rated:K | M+F S+S | Fullmetal | mid-series | First Place, Het & Non-Het | Green Lion Winner | Riza Hawkeye | Roy Mustang | angst | humor | sweet | Elric Kyoudai | 354th FG HQ | 2004 First Kiss, Non-Het


It took you long enough to make your call. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how to work a phone.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | humor | script | 354th FG HQ


"Huh? Whose fault? Ahahah.. aha..." Ed tried to avoid the topic.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Roy | fluff | humor


"We ought to have a toast," Ed says, frowning into the depths of his bottle. "They always do when they're having a drink in someone's memory."

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Winry Rockbell | angst | humor


"My birthday?" Ed's eyes widened. "You remembered it!"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


... to prove his point, he wields his tongue as he would a pen, hastily spelling out the letters P-E-R-V-E-R-T with his saliva...

rated:K-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | Ed/Roy | fluff | humor


Ed opened his mouth, and then closed it. "Visibility is that important to you, huh?" he said.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | TWT | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | humor | 354th FG HQ


He was, to sum up, a pretty unpleasant guy to have at the head of your department in the holiday season.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | drama | fusion | humor | romance


"Bad day, Niisan?" Al asked sympathetically.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | humor | meta


"Just remind me, even if the alternative is to sleep on a ice cube, NEVER to share a bed with you again.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | Riza/Roy | humor


The logical thing was that brother defer to brother, who would have thought in this one instance that selfishness would rear its head?

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Shambhala | humor


"Just talking and showing won't help much. He needs to try things before he can get them right."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | DF: movie | bondage | humor | Al/Ed/Alfons


Open Mike Night at Rush Valley's one and only coffee house attracts a great many of the town's most ridiculous people.

rated:G | M+F S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Russell | Ed/Winry | humor | Havoc/OC


Ed saw Roy's fingers twitch and curl at his sides as the desire to embrace almost overwhelmed discretion and good sense.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | fluff | humor