scimitarsmile

Menu

humor

Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.


"Hey, Ed, you're awfully cheery this morning."

rated:K | S+S | Mangaverse | mid-series | SP: Ch. 84 | Greed | humor | Ed/Ling


Any girl would be driven insane if she was the youngest child and the only girl in a family of six children.

rated:K-V | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Riza Hawkeye | drama | humor


"What part of self-defense was it to write 'BIG FAT NINNY' on his forehead in permanent marker?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | humor | Elric Kyoudai


ROY: [calmly] If drinking means acting like an idiot the way you are, I'm going to pass.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | TWT | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | Roy Mustang | humor | script


After so many years in the dark, Edward Elric had discovered he had a libido after all, and it was unfortunately exacting its frustrated vengeance upon one Alphonse Elric.

rated:M-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | Al/Ed | 354th FG HQ


But suddenly, when Al had his body back, it was like picking up an old book and learning something new.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Shambhala | humor | Al/Ed


Eventually, Roy had to take things into his own hands. Was it really his fault that it had ended up so literal?

rated:G | M×F | Mangaverse | mid-series | Roy Mustang | humor | Havoc/Various


"I must savor every moment of every love letter I recieve to do the sender justice," Mustang said, before proceeding to open the letter.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


"All this will do is give your soul access to the feelings that should be in your body right now, just like a normal teenage boy."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Al/Ed


"My neighbors would start saying things behind my back if I took home a suit of armor."

rated:G | M+F | Mangaverse | crack | humor


"You can't do that! This is a shounen series!" he hissed.

rated:M-S | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Ed/Roy | drama | humor | meta


"I'm sorry! Look, I'll fix it. I didn't know it was going to turn out this way!"

rated:G | M+F | genderswitch | humor | parody


He mostly trusted his brother to be able to put a nearly-three-year-old to bed by himself, but...Al should probably check, just to be sure.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alicia Hughes | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | humor


"You aren't Envy, are you? Because if you are, I'll kick your ass and find out what you've done with my brother."

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | humor | Al/Ed


To every outlandish, self-serving, and sometimes damn near suicidal thing that Edward Elric suggested, Jean Havoc would always reply mildly, with just a touch of good humor, "You're the boss."

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | bdsm | crossdressing | humor | Ed/Havoc


Edward Elric was notoriously known for his intense dislike of milk.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | humor | Elric Kyoudai


"Bill for repair of said hotel after occupants of said room 'incited riot'?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | SP: ep 15 | humor | parody


“Sir,” he says, and Roy could be imagining it, but he thinks Falman’s usually flat tone has a hint of panic in it.  “Have you read this memo yet?”

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | Heymans Breda | Jean Havoc | Kain Fuery | Riza Hawkeye | Roy Mustang | Vato Falman | humor


Well, it sure looks like the rumors were true about Wednesday nights, Ed thought, easing inconspicuously along the edges of the room.  But I never knew so many soldiers were gay.

rated:M-S | S×S | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | first time | Kain Fuery | Roy Mustang | humor | Ed/__ | alcohol | first time


Alphonse washed, and Edward dried (owing to the automail; safer not to submerge), and between the two of them the stack eventually diminished.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | fluff | humor | Elric Kyoudai


"Huh? Whose fault? Ahahah.. aha..." Ed tried to avoid the topic.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Roy | fluff | humor


A collection of 100 word ficlets.

rated:M-L | GEN S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | Ed/Winry | angst | drama | fluff | gore | humor | pwp | Al/Ed | Izumi/Sig


The staff look at each other, look at their automail bottle-opener, and prepare to duck.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | humor | 354th FG HQ


Roy was enchanted by the sound of her voice, pure like dewdrops in the morning.

rated:G | S+S M×F | Fullmetal | Roy Mustang | humor


"For only one arm..." Ed rasped out, gritting his teeth against the pain.

rated:M-L | GEN | pre-series | SP: ep 03 | gore | humor | redux | Elric Kyoudai


"Go back to sleep, Mustang," Ed answers absently, flipping the page.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


Ed's heart began pounding in anticipation of the rush he'd feel when the process was over.

rated:G | S+S | Ed/Alfons | fluff | humor | meta


Alchemy. It's all fun and games until somebody loses a limb and creates an abomination.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor | parody


As stated in the catalog, our Model 436b Hairless Ape is highly customizable, designed with the discerning deity in mind.

rated:G | GEN | Alt Universe | humor | parody


"...Sir..." he tried, beginning to compose himself again. "Don't you think...ah...that this isn't very professional of either of us?"

rated:M-L-S | M×F | Fullmetal | mid-series | Best Humorous Smut, TKKN Contest | Offsite Award | Armstrong/Envy | crack | humor


At a large mahogany desk, polished to an almost jewel-like shine, sat Colonel Edward Elric, who was deep into his paperwork. Or at least that is how he appeared.

rated:M-S | S×S | Mangaverse | TWT | Ed/Roy | bdsm | humor | pwp


The air feels cold against Al's face, and even colder down his naked back.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Al/Roy | exhibitionism | humor


Okay, his hair wasn't brushed, and it had been a while since he'd gotten a bath, but he didn't think it was anything to blush at.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Edward Elric | Winry Rockbell | humor


"Al," Ed said seriously and leaned forward to look up into his brother's glowing eyes, "if he had mind control powers, you would tell me, right?"

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | sap


After three years, two months, fourteen days and five hours of anticipation, Roy heard a knock at the door to his house.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Ed/Roy | bondage | crossdressing | humor | kink


He gently turned Ed's head so that he faced the camera, and with just a little luck, Ling would catch that amazing expression Ed always had when he came.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Mangaverse | mid-series | Roy Mustang | crossdressing | humor | Ed/Ling
prequel: Food Fight |


He'd lied in smoke filled bars. He'd hunted down lubricants in seedy stores that catered to the most iffy of clientele. Alfons had EARNED Ed's love.

rated:G | S×S | Shambhala | Ed/Alfons | humor | Al/Ed


It was sure to be a disaster.

rated:K-L | S×S | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Ed/Roy | humor | sweet


"Do we still have cucumbers? Or I guess I could transmute a mold, do you need this dining chair?"

rated:K-S | M+F | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | Ed/OC | Ed/self


The Colonel's staff next door ignored the pleas for help and gunshots.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | fluff | humor


Let it never be said that whatever his obsessive tendencies, Edward Elric was unable to enjoy life's simpler pleasures.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"You know we need to catch that train to Central, and you were being unreasonable. If we're late getting back again, General Mustang's going to have a fit."

rated:K | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | crack | general | humor | Al/Ed


Right. He saw their little game. They wanted to freak him out, break his mind into little pieces. He could resist.

rated:M-S | M×F | Fullmetal | mid-series | SP: ep 40 | humor | Envy/Sloth


The door opened, and all the energy Ed had been ready to put towards transmuting the door into a pile of sticks drained out of him through his feet.

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | pwp | reluctant uke


"Brother says Mr. Mustang grabbed his behind today while he was at the blackboard," he explained as his blush slowly faded, and Ed scowled.

rated:G | S+S | Alt Universe | humor


... to prove his point, he wields his tongue as he would a pen, hastily spelling out the letters P-E-R-V-E-R-T with his saliva...

rated:K-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | Ed/Roy | fluff | humor


She had heard all the lines before. Pinako was a female in a mostly male line of work, after all.

rated:G | M×F | Fullmetal | humor | Armstrong/Pinako


Ling tried to cover his way with sly smiles and clever lines; he played at being a fool (and did it very well), when he was anything but.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Ed/Ling


Sometimes Al thinks that somewhere back in the Armstrong family tree lurks an alchemical accident in a sequin factory.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Al/Roy | humor | Al/Ed