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humor

Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.


What part of 'this is my house' are you having problems with, Fullmetal?"

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | post-series | general | humor | Al/Ed/Roy


"So. You came," Scar greeted the person inside.

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Scar | humor


The kid is easily recognizable by his golden hair and eyes, his automail arm and leg, and the obvious chip on the shoulder.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | DF: ep 01 | sidestory: The Path Not Taken | humor


Gloved hands shot out and grabbed the book in question, dragging it off the shelf and holding it to the light.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | humor | Hohenheim/Trisha


"It's blue!" Edward announced with the voice of desperation.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor | Al/Ed


You could attribute it to teenage rebellion, if you liked, or to homunculus-hormones, which could be quite fierce, or heck, maybe she was just living up to her name.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | mid-series | Lust/Roy | crack | humor


One day Edward was out kicking the crap out of those damn Homunculus with Al...

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | badfic | humor | 2004 First Kiss, Gen


... and the moral of the story is - well, I guess there's no moral to this story, it's just a bunch of stuff that happened. Kind of like the rest of this movie.

rated:G | GEN | Shambhala | all-series | SP: movie | crack | humor | script | parody


"You. Boy by the window who's been doodling all the way through. What would be the result of this equation?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | drama | general | humor


"It was a while ago," he offered nervously. "Before your time. He's, uh, well, he was a persistent bastard, and... You're not mad, are you?"

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | Ed/Roy | humor | pwp | Al/Ed


He lay back on the couch (in Roy Mustang's office, where else?) and declared , "I'm not wearing this."

rated:M-L-S | GEN S×S | Fullmetal | unhappy Edward | fluff | humor


Winry was ten when her grandmother commented that she already needed training bras.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Winry Rockbell | humor


"My birthday?" Ed's eyes widened. "You remembered it!"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


The magazine told him he was doing it all wrong. First, it said he was boring. Then, it said he was bad in bed. Next, it said he was inconsiderate. After that, it told him he was gullible.

rated:K-L | S×S | Alt Universe | post-series | Ed/Roy | humor | romance | waff | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept


It took you long enough to make your call. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how to work a phone.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | humor | script | 354th FG HQ


"Bad day, Niisan?" Al asked sympathetically.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | humor | meta


The kid had said she was into ... different things, but in all his years Greed could not recall ever having found eggs a helpful sex aide.

rated:K | M×F | Mangaverse | post-series | bdsm | humor | Greed/OC


Too many more nights of excuses are going to drive him from appropriately celibate to stark raving mad.

rated:M-L-S | S+S S×S | Shambhala | humor | sweet | Al/Ed


"Shut up. Don't say anything. I made you food, and there's beer in the icebox, and happy fucking Oktoberfest."

rated:K-L | S×S | Shambhala | mid-series | Ed/Alfons | crossdressing | humor


Ah. Fans. He preens slightly into his coat, sits up just a little taller on his haunches. Fans he knows how to deal with.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | fluff | humor


"Colonel, if I may ask... what is a cat, to be more precise, a kitten doing in the office?"

rated:G | GEN | humor | 354th FG HQ


It started with Ling's lips simply pressed up against Ed's. Well, of course it did. That was how kisses sort of went, but this was, well, a bit surprising.

rated:K-L | S+S | Mangaverse | mid-series | SP: Ch. 84 | humor | Ed/Ling | first time


"And search for free porn." Havoc pointed out.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | drama | humor | 354th FG HQ


"I remember the flavor too; it was strawberry. It's still his favorite."

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Riza Hawkeye | Winry Rockbell | humor


Yes, something was amiss, and Roy Mustang was going to find out what.

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | Kain Fuery | Roy Mustang | humor


"Go back to sleep, Mustang," Ed answers absently, flipping the page.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"Stupid bullies," Ed grumbled, limping for a few steps before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be feeling it. "Call me a girl, will they?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


"I'm hungry."

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Gluttony | Sloth | humor


Let it never be said that whatever his obsessive tendencies, Edward Elric was unable to enjoy life's simpler pleasures.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"Can't you forget what you read for a few minutes, and just... you know... go with the flow?"

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | pwp | Farman/Havoc


He mostly trusted his brother to be able to put a nearly-three-year-old to bed by himself, but...Al should probably check, just to be sure.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | Alicia Hughes | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | humor


As stated in the catalog, our Model 436b Hairless Ape is highly customizable, designed with the discerning deity in mind.

rated:G | GEN | Alt Universe | humor | parody


The Colonel's staff next door ignored the pleas for help and gunshots.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | fluff | humor


"You aren't Envy, are you? Because if you are, I'll kick your ass and find out what you've done with my brother."

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | humor | Al/Ed


He was looking forward to the prospect of a hot meal in the cafeteria; even if it wasn't exactly home cooking, at least it was hot, and it was fresh.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | mid-series | humor | Elric Kyoudai


"Hey! She did it blindfolded! No one else could do that! And better her than that old hag!"

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | crack | fluff | humor


Ed frowned slightly; that thought pushed dangerously at the border of sappiness.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | fluff | humor | Al/Ed/Alfons


Now Ed was into his favorite mode, bitch-at-the-bastard-father-who-ditched-us.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


"When I walked in on you in the bath, Edward, I wasn't expecting Al to be there too."

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | mid-series | SP: ep 04, 06+ | Edward Elric | Roy Mustang | drama | humor


The only other tradition that was better than eggnog to Al, was that of mistletoe.

rated:K | S+S | Shambhala | post-series | SP: movie | fluff | humor | Al/Ed | alcohol


"That's what you said last time. And the time before that. And," he added, dragging the feather upward with maddening slowness, "The time before that."

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | general | humor | sweet | Al/Ed


At a large mahogany desk, polished to an almost jewel-like shine, sat Colonel Edward Elric, who was deep into his paperwork. Or at least that is how he appeared.

rated:M-S | S×S | Mangaverse | TWT | Ed/Roy | bdsm | humor | pwp


"Yeah. Him again. The Colonel doesn't know when to quit, does he?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | general | humor


...it's making up for years with a date and flowers by alternately giving her the good, and then the bad, and then the good, and then the bad, and then the horrible.

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | mid-series | SP: ch 15, ch 39 | Riza Hawkeye | drama | humor


Ed growled under his breath, color high in his cheeks, and pulled away.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"You'd think the Colonel would have plenty of experience in dealing with irate brothers by now."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Roy | humor | 354th FG HQ


"Brother says Mr. Mustang grabbed his behind today while he was at the blackboard," he explained as his blush slowly faded, and Ed scowled.

rated:G | S+S | Alt Universe | humor


"Hey, Ed, you're awfully cheery this morning."

rated:K | S+S | Mangaverse | mid-series | SP: Ch. 84 | Greed | humor | Ed/Ling


And then the Words were coming again, maddening addiction crawling straight down inside, making him itch, making him want.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | humor | Ed/self


"All this will do is give your soul access to the feelings that should be in your body right now, just like a normal teenage boy."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Al/Ed