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humor

Comedy, slapstick, and (sometimes) bad puns.


The Colonel's staff next door ignored the pleas for help and gunshots.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | mid-series | fluff | humor


"Bad day, Niisan?" Al asked sympathetically.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | humor | meta


The magazine told him he was doing it all wrong. First, it said he was boring. Then, it said he was bad in bed. Next, it said he was inconsiderate. After that, it told him he was gullible.

rated:K-L | S×S | Alt Universe | post-series | Ed/Roy | humor | romance | waff | 2010 Best New Voices, Adept


You had to hand it to Roy, he certainly knew how to keep his cool.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


The Full Metal Alchemist, of course, accepted his assignment with all the gravity due his station.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Card Captor Sakura | crack | crossover | humor


Sometimes Al thinks that somewhere back in the Armstrong family tree lurks an alchemical accident in a sequin factory.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Al/Roy | humor | Al/Ed


There was a lot to be said for experimentation, Ed thought later, when Al was curled up in his arms as Winry fussed in the bathroom.

rated:M-L-S | M×F S×S | humor | sweet | Al/Ed/Winry


The air feels cold against Al's face, and even colder down his naked back.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Al/Roy | exhibitionism | humor


She had heard all the lines before. Pinako was a female in a mostly male line of work, after all.

rated:G | M×F | Fullmetal | humor | Armstrong/Pinako


Not a fairy, then, Alfons thought in disappointment. The fairies in stories weren't usually so foul-mouthed and excitable, anyway.

rated:G-L | GEN | Alt Universe | post-series | DF: ep. 51 | Alfons Heiderich | Edward Elric | crack | humor


"Do we still have cucumbers? Or I guess I could transmute a mold, do you need this dining chair?"

rated:K-S | M+F | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | Ed/OC | Ed/self


Eventually, Roy had to take things into his own hands. Was it really his fault that it had ended up so literal?

rated:G | M×F | Mangaverse | mid-series | Roy Mustang | humor | Havoc/Various


Ling tried to cover his way with sly smiles and clever lines; he played at being a fool (and did it very well), when he was anything but.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | Ed/Ling


Okay, his hair wasn't brushed, and it had been a while since he'd gotten a bath, but he didn't think it was anything to blush at.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Edward Elric | Winry Rockbell | humor


Let me start by saying that I love my grandchildren.  Actually, they’re my great great grandchildren, but that’s repetitive and makes me sound old, so screw that.

rated:G | S×S | Shambhala | post-series | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Alfons | humor | sap


No kinks, no cross-dressing, no tag-team threesomes, and all pets must be ushered out of the room beforehand.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Shambhala | humor | kink | pwp


Edward Elric was notoriously known for his intense dislike of milk.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | humor | Elric Kyoudai


Fullmetal was starting to turn slightly purple, now, which definitely clashed with his coloring...

rated:M-L-S | M×F S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | genderswitch | humor


"You'd think the Colonel would have plenty of experience in dealing with irate brothers by now."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | TWT | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Roy | humor | 354th FG HQ


Let it never be said that whatever his obsessive tendencies, Edward Elric was unable to enjoy life's simpler pleasures.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


"For only one arm..." Ed rasped out, gritting his teeth against the pain.

rated:M-L | GEN | pre-series | SP: ep 03 | gore | humor | redux | Elric Kyoudai


He underestimates the little things, like how long it will take him to put his socks on in the morning, and she comes up the stairs when breakfast is long since over to find him crouched over a torn stocking, blinking back furious tears...

rated:M | M+F M×F | Fullmetal | all-series | SP: ep 51 | Ed/Winry | angst | drama | humor


Snuggling on the couch was perhaps the only place where their differences worked with each other, albeit briefly.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | humor | sweet | Al/Ed/Alfons


His boyfriend. He wants me to be his boyfriend. He's wooing me with gifts. I'm being courted!

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | angst | fluff | humor | romance


"So. You came," Scar greeted the person inside.

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Scar | humor


“Um, you must’ve learned that from Colonel Bastard.  You’d better not be flashing that at the nurses.  Or at me, ever, ever again.”

rated:G | GEN | Mangaverse | post-series | DF: ch 107 | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Jean Havoc | humor


He could imagine the words Fix typed as coming from his brother, and it afforded him a little bit of indulgence in his horrible, sinful, uncontrollable urges.

rated:M-L-S | S×S | Alt Universe | autoeroticism | humor | Al/Ed | meta


"Huh? Whose fault? Ahahah.. aha..." Ed tried to avoid the topic.

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | Alphonse Elric | Ed/Roy | fluff | humor


Unfortunately, Winry's 'own devices' were becoming the death of Pinako's various household devices.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Winry Rockbell | humor


With two younger sisters himself, he knew well that siblings quarreled, but never to this extent.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | crack | humor


It was just the men today, sitting around drinking coffee and playing cards and waiting for the paint to peel or the Fuhrer-in-Training to request they do something.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | humor


It doesn’t disappoint, never does; Ed is standing on the corner when the car arrives, all sharp moody edges and obtrusively coloured blue shorts.

rated:K-S | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | Ed/Roy | humor | sweet


"I know, I know, the deal is whoever's on bottom gets to pick your shape, but really, this is ridiculous."

rated:M-L | S×S | Fullmetal | Al/Envy | humor


"I'll have you know I'm in a committed monogamous relationship."

rated:G | S+S | crack | humor | Roy/__


Please don't tell my brother. I don't think he'd understand.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | humor


"Get out of the kitchen, brother," he snarled, waving the spatula threateningly. "I'm still cooking, damnit."

rated:G | S×S | Fullmetal | post-series | humor | sweet | Al/Ed


Right. He saw their little game. They wanted to freak him out, break his mind into little pieces. He could resist.

rated:M-S | M×F | Fullmetal | mid-series | SP: ep 40 | humor | Envy/Sloth


"...Sir..." he tried, beginning to compose himself again. "Don't you think...ah...that this isn't very professional of either of us?"

rated:M-L-S | M×F | Fullmetal | mid-series | Best Humorous Smut, TKKN Contest | Offsite Award | Armstrong/Envy | crack | humor


"We ought to have a toast," Ed says, frowning into the depths of his bottle. "They always do when they're having a drink in someone's memory."

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | Edward Elric | Winry Rockbell | angst | humor


Ed growled under his breath, color high in his cheeks, and pulled away.

rated:G | S+S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | humor


Winry was ten when her grandmother commented that she already needed training bras.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | pre-series | Winry Rockbell | humor


The kid had said she was into ... different things, but in all his years Greed could not recall ever having found eggs a helpful sex aide.

rated:K | M×F | Mangaverse | post-series | bdsm | humor | Greed/OC


They would have had a bitter bitchfight had both suddenly not stopped and realized it was all Roy's fault.

rated:K | M+F S+S | Fullmetal | all-series | Ed/Roy | Riza/Roy | humor


You could attribute it to teenage rebellion, if you liked, or to homunculus-hormones, which could be quite fierce, or heck, maybe she was just living up to her name.

rated:G | M+F | Fullmetal | mid-series | Lust/Roy | crack | humor


"Stupid bullies," Ed grumbled, limping for a few steps before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be feeling it. "Call me a girl, will they?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | fluff | humor


The voice hit Ed like a blow, and drove the breath from his lungs. "Where are you?" he shouted. "Where are you?"

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | drama | humor


ROY: [calmly] If drinking means acting like an idiot the way you are, I'm going to pass.

rated:G | GEN | Fullmetal | TWT | Alphonse Elric | Edward Elric | Maes Hughes | Roy Mustang | humor | script


A collection of 100 word ficlets.

rated:M-L | GEN S×S | Fullmetal | Ed/Roy | Ed/Winry | angst | drama | fluff | gore | humor | pwp | Al/Ed | Izumi/Sig