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The Adventures of Roy Mustang: Sex Ed Teacher

chapter 3.

The open air market in Tazanga was a maze of sights and
sounds, voices and smells and color and texture. It was also a crush of people,
and Al vainly tried to keep his brother in view. Good thing Ed has a fondness
for his bright red coat.

"What is it we're looking for again?" Al called over the
din, hoping to get Ed's attention.

Ed stopped and turned back on Al's direction.

"I don't know," Al's elder brother shouted, "I guess I'll
know when I see it!" And Ed turned back to the stall in front of him, only to
get swept up in a mini riptide of people moving the other way. Al made an exasperated
sound and dove into the lot, clearing the way easily. No one wanted to get poked
by a spike, and tall equaled intimidating in most people's book.

Ed was sputtering indignantly when Al reached into the
crowd and plucked him out. He stood momentarily holding his brother aloft as
people rippled around him like running water moving around a stone mid-stream.

Ed hung gracelessly in his hands like a dead fish and
snorted.

The mission was complete. It was an uninteresting side
venture to investigate some uninteresting claims about uninteresting merchants
with uninteresting unsavory habits. Ed had complained bitterly the entire trip.
The bastard Colonel was squandering their talents! The bastard Colonel was impeding
their progress in returning their bodies to normal! The bastard Colonel was
a bastard! Just in case Al missed that particular point.

Whenever Al tried to set Ed on his feet another stampede
of pedestrians appeared. Ed, deciding he'd had enough of dangling in Al's hands
had started to squirm.

"Put me down!" Ed snapped, kicking his legs a bit.

"Where?" Al questioned, "I'll just lose you again!"

Ed's flailing became more pronounced.

"Calm down!" Al said and suddenly hoisted Ed up and brought
him down on his shoulder.

"WATCH THE FRIGGIN' SPIKE!" Ed shrieked.

"Quit all the damn wiggling and it will be fine!" Al retorted.

"I'm not wiggling, you're trying to unman me!" Ed howled.

Al shrugged and gave Ed a toss.

Ed yelped and managed to land on his feet and turned to
glare at his younger brother.

"Oh look," Al said, "You do have cat like reflexes."

Ed shook his fist, then widened his eyes at another surge
in the street populace and scurried out of the way.

Later as they both idled at the carriage stop, (But
not too close to each other, the whole spike incident still had Ed's hackles
up)
Al made an observation.

"That was a lot of trouble for a fancy pen," he said,
"And for the Colonel who gets pens for free. Plus we could have gotten a fancy
pen in East City."

"It's got flames on it," Ed tossed off and shrugged.

"Why are you buying presents for the Colonel anyways?
If you really wanted to give him something you could have just alchemized him
something," Al said. "That's what you do for me."

Ed rolled his head on his shoulders.

"Eh, but you're my brother, that's different," he supplied.

"Oh really?" Al pondered, rocking on the balls of his
feet and making his armor sound like a tin shutter flapping in a high wind,
"I see, just your brother. So what does that make the Colonel?"

Ed twitched. He leaned forward and looked down the road.

"Stop rocking," he said to Al, "It's really annoying."

Al stopped rocking but rolled his helmet in a parody of
Ed's own shoulder rolling. It sounded like a creaky car door.

Ed chewed the inside of his cheek.

Al clasped his hands behind his back and studied the noon
day clouds.

"It makes him a bastard who's gonna get a pen with flames
on it!" Ed snarled.

"Well," Al said, "As long as we got that settled."


Back in East City the Elric brothers learned in their
four day absence, that Falman had inadvertently made a joke. They were so eager
to hear the joke, they doggedly followed the man to the mess hall and sat in
rapt attention as he had the special of the day, which was meatloaf and mashed
potatoes, and even went so far as to ask to come home with him that evening
just in case he told the joke again. Riza informed them that while she appreciated
their attempts to support Falman in his quest to become less of a tight ass,
they really should just think about going back to their own dorm room that night
and getting some much needed sleep. Ed attempted to make eye contact with the
Colonel who had mysteriously been absent when they first returned. He was back
at his desk that evening, but the he was doggedly plowing through a stack of
paper with the determination of a small terrier worrying a rag. It might or
might not have had anything to do with the fact the First Lieutenant's gun holster
was unbuckled, but as discretion was the better part of valor, the boys made
their goodnights and returned home.

"Why didn't you give the Colonel the pen when we saw him
in the office tonight," Al asked after the lights were out.

"I didn't think about it," his elder brother's voice replied
from the other side of the room.

"But you were worrying it in your pocket the whole time
we were in his office." Al pointed out.

Al waited patiently, and when Ed finally made a fake snore,
he let it go.

The next day, Al dragged Ed out of bed at around noon
and hustled him into a shower. He then toweled Ed's hair dry and shoved him
back into the room proper. He wrestled the familiar black tank top over Ed's
head, held Ed's boxers and then pants for Ed to step into, and threaded his
belt through the loops and buckled it. He left Ed staring blankly at this boots
while Al made breakfast, then he dragged Ed over to the breakfast table and
repeatedly shoved toast in his face until Ed's FOOD!GIMME reflex kicked in and
he began to eat.

They were out the door and halfway down the walk before
Al noticed that Ed had forgotten to put his boots on, and went back to retrieve
them after propping Ed against the side of the building. When he got the boots
on the older boy, he steered him toward the direction of the main building,
hauled him up the steps to the administrative floor and down to the familiar
double-doored office. When he managed to get Ed inside after smacking him once
against the door frame, he looked around frantically until his glowing eyes
lit on Havoc sitting at the large table near in the center of the room.

"Did you make coffee?" Al asked, sounding breathless even
though it wasn't possible.

Havoc nodded and waved his hand toward the small stand
where the pot sat.

"I hate it when we run out," Al said and dragged Ed over
to empty the contents of the pot down his throat.


Ed was there, sitting at the end of the table writing
his report. To his right was Havoc, also writing something. It wasn't a report,
but whatever it was, Havoc had to write it. Across from Havoc sat Breda, looking
about as alert as he usually did (which wasn't very), and Falman, who was sitting
ramrod straight at the very end of the table like a matronly woman watching
over a group of errant school children.

Ed was less than five feet away and Roy couldn't kiss
him.

Roy snorted and dropped his gaze back to the work on his
desk. Well it was best just to not look at him then. Not looking at Ed meant
that he could put out of his mind not kissing Ed. Only when the kissing thought
fled, the sex thoughts barged in and made themselves at home. Roy put his elbow
up on the desk and his cheek in his palm and gritted is teeth.

Four encounters. Precisely four. Two weeks between the
first and second, one day between the third and fourth. Then another mission
that had lasted four days, and Roy was going to lose his freaking mind. Roy's
mind strayed inadvertently into the realm of not-safe-for-work thoughts with
dazzling ease, replaying the last encounter in lust -embellished frustration-vision
before his work dulled eyes. Ed had been the epitome of relaxed charm, flopping
back onto the bed and spreading his legs and grinning up at him, wiggling his
eyebrows and making kissy faces with his lips, and Roy had tossed all sane thought
to the wind and climbed on. Once he'd made that small body buck and shudder
and pant? He was resigned once again to the bathroom with some hand lotion that
smelled like sugar cookies and a hand towel.

Another lesson was definitely in order. The sooner the
better, for Edward Elric needed to learn that although it might not be better
to give rather than receive, a sexually frustrated Colonel was no laughing matter.

He managed to get Ed alone when the lunch stampede ensued
and gave the boy a smile.

"Coming over tonight?" Roy asked, resisting the urge to
touch golden bangs.

"I don't know," Ed confided lowly, "I think Al's getting
suspicious."

Al? Who was Al? OH, Al! Roy rubbed his chin.

"He won't buy another library excuse," Roy asked, hoping
desperation wasn't evident in his voice.

"I haven't even read the books I checked out three weeks
ago," Ed said, "He's not slow you know, I'm not even coming home with any notes."

Roy straightened up and fixed Ed with a look.

"You have to work late," Roy said seriously.

"Work late? But I just got back from a mission and I'll
finish my report after lunch!" Ed protested.

"I'm sorry FullMetal, there is nothing I can do about
it, you're just going to have to work late and that's final." Roy said with
a sad shake of his head.

"Well damn," Ed said, "I hope they have fried chicken
on the menu for lunch."

"You'll need your strength," Roy assured him, "So why
don't you go check on that now."


Ed came running into the dorm room sometime after the
work day had ended and grabbed the pen box and his long red coat.

"Working late Al! Don't wait up, see you later, make it
up to you, promise!" And he rushed back out the door.

"Yeah," Al said to the door after his brother had fled,
"Give him a kiss for me while you're at it." Al shook his head. All the books
ever written about puberty and hormones in the world were never gonna explain
this one. And Al was pretty sure by now he'd read them all.

Roy carefully schooled his expression before he answered
the pounding on his door. After all it wouldn't do to answer the door looking
like a predator, no matter what he felt like at the moment. Ed came strolling
in looking pleased with himself, shedding his red outer coat and waving it at
the mirrored coat hook before dropping it on the floor. Roy picked it up and
hung it on the hook before indulgently followed the grinning teen into the living
room. Ed had fished something out of his pockets and had it in his hands behind
his back.

"You are terrible at trying to be sneaky," Roy said with
a smirk.

Ed scowled then thrust a small narrow white box at him.

"Here," he said, lifting his nose in the air.

Roy accepted the box, looked at it.

"Another house thing?" Roy asked.

Ed reached forward with one white gloved finger and gave
the box in Roy's hand a tap.

"Nope," he said with a grin, "This one is a present."

"A present?" Roy said, "For me?"

"No for the man who really lives here, yes for you, I
mean....that is...you're my boyfriend." Ed finished out with a mumble.

Roy's eyebrows tried to climb into his hair line and he
wasn't able to stop the smile that crawled across his face.

"I'm your boyfriend?" he asked the now blushing teenager,
leaning forward just a bit.

Ed's blush went truly crimson and his hands shot up to
cover his face.

"Shut up!" he yelled muffled and Roy sincerely tried not
to laugh.

If this managed to get anymore enchanting I think I'd
curl up and die of sugar shock.

His boyfriend! He wants me to be his boyfriend! He's
wooing me with gifts! I'm being courted. He is trying in that Edward Elric way
of his to take control of the situation. I want to fuck him on the carpet right
here and now.

But no, tonight we're going to do that in a bed.

"I stopped and got you pasta from Brio's," Roy said as
he opened the box.

Ed uncovered his face.

"Meat sauce?" the boy asked.

Roy nodded lifting the heavy writing pen from the tissue
paper. It was silver and had what looked like shooting flames licking up its
side. Roy smiled.

"With meat sauce and bread," Roy added.

"Great! I'm starved, let's eat," Ed started for the kitchen
but Roy caught his arm. Ed looked up at him, then blinked and stretched up to
meet Roy's descending lips.

When Roy pulled back he said: "Thank you for the pen,
it's very nice. And Hawkeye thanks you for the pen, I'll be able to sign my
fingers to the bone."

"Well you know how it is," Ed said, leaning hopefully
toward the kitchen, "Anything for the First Lieutenant."

Roy laughed and draped his arm over Ed's shoulders and
let the boy lead him into the kitchen.

"I do know, " Roy said, " I do know, indeed."

Roy retrieved a bowl from the ice box before following
Ed down the hall toward the bedroom. The got entangled briefly right outside
the bedroom door, and Roy almost fancied he saw a butt shaped indention in the
wall after the flushed blond had squirmed away and escaped to the bed. Roy
waltzed in and set the bowl on the bedside table and took a few moments to watch
Ed strip himself and throw himself in the middle of the bed. As Roy began to
unbutton his shirt, Ed squirmed around in the sheets, threw his arms above his
head and sighed. He swung his golden gaze to the older alchemist and watched
him undress. Ed was really a fast learner and nothing enticed Roy to make a
production of a thing than Edward's eyes on him.

"Isn't it funny," Ed suddenly asked, "That we're like
this now?"

"Like what?" Roy questioned, bending to pull of his shoes.

"You know," Ed scissored his legs a couple of times, "Like
this, naked in a bed together, doing stuff."

"Stuff," Roy repeated unbuttoning his slacks.

"Yeah, stuff," Ed challenged, "Like all that stuff you
do with your hands and mouth, that stuff."

"You're so eloquent," Roy shimmied out of his briefs,
"Sometimes you make me breathless."

"Shut up," Ed said good-naturedly, and noticing the bowl.
"What's that?"

"That is incentive for you my darling pupil, tonight's
lesson is 'We give as good as we get'." Roy sat down on the edge of the bed
and reached over to finger the blond bangs.

"What kind of incentive," Ed asked, smiling.

Roy leaned over and picked up the bowl, removed the top
and then licked it, appreciating how Ed's eyes moved from Roy's eyes to his
tongue. Roy then tossed the lid of the bowl back on the bedside table and tilted
it so Ed could see into it.

"The chocolate kind," Roy said.

"Chocolate?" Ed leaned up on his elbows for a closer look.

"We're going to have pudding sex," Roy informed him.

Golden eyebrows furrowed.

"Pudding sex," Ed looked askance.

"I see you need a practical demonstration." Roy dipped
one finger into the bowl and stuck it in Ed's navel.

Ed gaped then snorted.

"It's cold!" the teen huffed, "and now I'll get sticky."

Roy rolled his eyes, put a hand on Ed's chest, pushed
him onto his back again, leaned over and lapped the pudding out of Ed's navel
with his tongue.

Ed squeaked and shivered and squirmed. Roy added more
pudding and Ed shook and then he laughed.

There is nothing more intoxicating than that sound.

It only encouraged Roy to get several fingers into the
pudding and smear it on Ed's stomach. The chorus of grunts, giggles, half shrieks
and pure genuine laughter filled every corner of the bedroom. Ed laughed with
his entire body. Cheeks flushed, eyes screwed shut, mouth open. He tried to
escape only to be drug back by his ankle. He pushed on Roy's head with his flesh
hand, he tried to roll over only to be thwarted when Roy planted a knee between
his legs, he finally pleaded for mercy between hoarse gasps and flailing limbs,
and panted gratefully when Roy pulled back.

You are beautiful.

Ed looked up at him with tear damped eyes and tried to
scowl, it was not very effective.

"Now," Roy said, moving to lie on his side beside Ed,
"It's your turn."

And he offered Ed the bowl.


Roy Mustang gasped and tried desperately to think of other
things. Ice water, ugly people, paperwork. Ed's tongue was working a warm, wet
path from his right nipple to his navel. He stopped and pulled up, applied more
pudding down the line of Roy's stomach and went back to work. Roy was so erect
it hurt. Ed's tongue dipped into his navel and Roy, not given to being
ticklish, groaned loudly. Ed's pudding smeared face bobbed up to look at him.

"Don't stop," Roy managed to somehow force out of his
mouth, which was a minor miracle.

I'll never walk again.

But Ed never went any further than his belly button. In
fact, he stubbornly lingered there. Soon Roy was pounding his head on the bed,
but that didn't make Ed move. Making frantic scrabbling motions in the sheets
with his fingers didn't make Ed move either.

Only marked desperation would work now.

Roy tilted his head back and took a deep breath.

"Have all my teachings been in vain?" He appealed very
loudly to the ceiling. He felt Ed go still.

"I've tried to be a good teacher," Roy forged ahead, "I
know that I might not be the most patient man on this planet, but I was sure
my pupil, a supposed prodigy would learn by example." Roy slung an arm
across his eyes, melodramatic perhaps, but the visual should be effective.

There was a too long period of time where silence reigned
supreme, and no part of Edward was touching him.

Then finally, Ed spoke.

"So, I take it...you want me to use my mouth?" he said.

"That is the general idea," Roy gritted out.

"Ok, well...." And there were some noises of Ed shifting
around. But still no action seemed forthcoming.

"What's the hold up?" Roy asked.

"Well, I'm working out logistics," Ed said neutrally.

"There is nothing to work out Ed," Roy said struggling
to keep his tone in check. Don't make Ed defensive, not now. God above, not
now. A defensive Ed would argue a point until next year.

More silence.

"Use the pudding Ed," Roy grated out.

"Right, the pudding," Ed said.

There was a brief tentative touch on Roy's sorely neglected
erection causing both it and Roy to jerk. The touch fled.

"Oh my god now what?!" Roy said, voice getting strained.

"It jumped," Ed said.

Roy slammed his hands down on the bed and painfully hauled
himself into a sitting position. Ed leaned back and the bowl was jerked from
his grasp. Roy used his fingers to get a generous amount of pudding and smear
it on the body part in question, and oh my god the temptation to just do
it himself was so strong
, then thrust the bowl back and Ed and slammed himself
back down on the bed.

"No need to get so defensive," Ed said, " I was going
to do it."

"When, tomorrow?" Roy returned.

Roy felt Ed's hand on his thigh. He heard Ed take a deep
breath.

And then Ed licked.

Roy saw fireworks, he saw goddamn fireworks. His whole
body contracted to one madly throbbing point between his legs and took all his
rational with it, and it wasn't just a lick, Ed smacked his damn lips.

Heaven? Hell? Which is it? I don't know anymore. Help.
Somebody help. Somebody come in here and make Ed lick me again.

But Ed didn't need any help, because Ed licked him again.
Every nerve in Roy's body sent a package via express delivery to his brain demanding
the most outrageous of things. He desperately tried to shove his fingers into
the mattress as his vision swam. Then there were fingers, fingers around his
cock, and then there was something else closing around the head.

Ok, must be heaven.

Ed gave one tentative suck. Roy gave one throaty moan.
Encouraged, Ed sucked again and again, sliding mostly off the bed, feet on the
floor between Roy's legs and leaning over him sucking slowly and with great
uncertainty, but seeming to get the hang of it all the same. But he was taking
his time. The bowl of pudding sat abandoned on the bed by Roy's side, and Ed
thinking he had all the time in the world, finally scratched fingers through
the course black hair in the junction of Roy's thighs and took another suck.

No I was wrong, this is hell.

"Ed," Roy said raggedly, panting, "Go faster."

"Umm?" Ed said with his mouth full.

"Faster," Roy was well aware of the plea in his voice.

Ed paused as if to consider the request. But before Roy
could wail a protest he started up again, moving faster in his sucking, but
not really going any further than just the head. Roy made a strangled noise.

BRAT!

"Ed...more, you can do more...ED, come on!" Roy bit his
lower lip. Control, control, control! Ed's first blow job after all, learning
curve, goddamn PRODIGY, control!

But Roy was only flesh, and flesh was weak.

He bucked.

Things after that became a blur of motion.

Ed suddenly had something large forced too far into his
throat, his eyes got huge, he gagged and he reflexively bit down.

Roy's own eyes got wide and a sound he'd never heard before
in his life tore its way free of his throat. He twisted savagely to the side,
pulling himself free of Ed, thus allowing Ed to breathe, and curled up into
such a small fetal ball he could have fit back into his mother's womb. He hardly
heard the gasping and wretching going on beside the bed because his own brain
was reeling from the thousands of packages one particular portion of his anatomy
had sent ultra express courier right to the gray matter's attention. He did
somehow dully recognize the running beats of one soft thud and one hard thud
across the wood floor of the bedroom and onto the tile floor of the bathroom.
After that, he gave into his brain's attempts to restore order and calm and
focused on just breathing for a bit.

He didn't know how long it was until his stomach muscles
ceased the lock down panic protocol and allowed him to uncurl. He sat up slowly
and carefully and then parted his legs and had a look. The first thought in
his mind, naturally, was to relieve Edward Elric of every tooth in his goddamn
head. The second thought to cross his mind was where was Edward Elric so
he could relieve him of every tooth in his goddamn head?

The bathroom. Ed hadn't come out of the bathroom yet.
Roy slid to the edge of the bed, put his feet on the floor and stood slowly.
So far, so good. The first step wasn't painful, neither was the second. Ok so
maybe not every goddamn tooth. Roy padded over to the bathroom door and
looked in, jaw set.

Ed was sitting on the toilet with a towel over his lap,
his head down and blond hair obscuring his features. Other than that, the bathroom
seemed to be normal, so Roy walked in slowly over to where Ed sat quietly. What
did one say to his lover when said lover tried to emasculate them? Roy cleared
his throat, but Ed beat him to it.

"I bit you," Edward said in a voice so unlike Edward,
that for a moment Roy thought he was hearing voices.

"I bit you after I asked you not to bite me," Edward continued,
something painful and raw around the edges of his words. Roy worked his jaw,
trying to figure out what to say.

"It's one thing to ask someone not to do something," Ed
forged on, voice picking up a little in the silence, "But then to do it yourself,
that's not right." Ed slowly lifted his face to Roy's, pudding smears still
over his cheeks and chin. "I'm sorry," Ed said, "Are you hurt?"

Roy slowly lowered himself to his knees on the cold tile
of the bathroom floor, searching Ed's eyes with his own dark ones.

"I'm alright Ed," he said, "It was an accident and partly
my fault anyway."

"I'm a total fuck-up," Ed shifted his gaze from Roy's
eyes to his chin, "I can't seem to get anything right. All you were asking me
to do was to make you feel good like you make me feel good, and I couldn't even
do that. It seems to be my lot in life to mess the good things up."

"Stop it," Roy said, placing his hands to either side
of Ed's towel covered thighs, "Just stop it right now. This isn't worth that.
Don't go comparing this to the important things in your life that you are striving
to put right. The effort alone is enough. This is nothing. This isn't unfixable.
Ed, look at me."

Ed tracked his eyes back up to Roy's own.

Roy smiled.

"Up until you bit me," Roy said, "it was great." And he
leaned forward a little, to almost touch noses.

Unbidden, the corner's of Ed's mouth turn up just a little.

Congratulations Edward Elric. You got me on my knees.


They lay side by side in comfortable silence for a while.
The Roy slid his arm under Ed's shoulders and rolled him against his side. Ed's
automail arm tucked beneath him, and his flesh arm moved to lie over Roy's chest.

"When do you think you'll let me try again," Ed asked,
drawing idle circles on Roy's flesh with one finger.

"Initially, never," Roy said, "But upon reconsideration
we can try again, later of course. I have to talk my dick into not being scared
of you."

Ed groaned and snickered.

"You have a really twisted sense of humor," Ed said, "Talking
about it like it has a mind of its own."

Roy laughed.

"You'll get there Ed, trust me. You'll get there."