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The Adventures of Roy Mustang: Sex Ed Teacher

chapter 9.

When Roy came back from the staff meeting about light
bulbs, Ed was sitting at the end of the table watching the heart of the military
at work. Everyone was in their proper places and everyone was perfectly concentrated
and everyone knew their job.

Havoc would take the paper, mark the paper and slide it
to Fuery. Fuery would inspect the paper, stamp the paper, then inspect it again
and slide it to Falman. Falman would also inspect the paper, give a sniff of
disdain over the paper, then nod at the paper and put it in a folder. He'd slide
the folder to Breda, who would stack the folder on top of another folder. Then
at certain precise intervals, First Lieutenant Hawkeye would appear out of thin
air and take the folders off to their doom. Only now, Breda had fallen asleep
and some of the folders were teetering precariously on the table edge.

"What are you doing?" Roy asked Ed.

"It's like a train wreck," Ed said, looking glazed, "I
don't want to watch, but I have to."

"Well come over here and get a briefing, what do you know
about the wattage of light bulbs?" Roy said.

"I can't," Ed breathed, "I have to see if one of the folders
actually falls or not," his eyes never wavering from the scene in front of him.

Roy shrugged and turned to walk back to his desk.

"Help me," Ed said behind him.


"You are telling me that my mission is to go down to the
cleaner to pick up your spare uniform and then go and buy light bulbs?" Ed asked
incredulously, "That's my mission?"

"Do you think you can handle it FullMetal? I know you've
been under a lot of stress lately and your reports have just been as sloppy
as ever. I thought that you would appreciate it if I gave you something a bit
domestic to do," The Colonel said , studying his nails.

Ed took a deep breath, ready to tell the Colonel where
he could stuff his domesticity, when the sound of clanking that had been faint
before, grew thunderously loud and his younger brother came running into the
office.

"Brother, brother, guess what!" Al said, waving his gloved
hands back and forth in front of him, "You'll never guess!"

Ed jumped to his feet and looked at Al, it must be something
urgent to get Al so excited.

"You got a lead on the stone? Some misfiled bit of information?"
he said, eyes lighting up, "you mean all that puppy-like following of the First
Lieutenant has finally paid off?!"

Al took a swing at Ed and Ed ducked.

"NO," Al said, "but I just had a chat with Corporal Higgins
in the hall."

"The lunch guy?!" Ed said excitedly.

"Yeah and they're having noodles with meat sauce in the
mess hall today!" Al crowed.

"No WAY!" Ed said and bounced up and down in place.

"WAY!" Al said.

Then the brothers high five'd, or they high three'd, because
Ed couldn't get high enough to five.

"Score!" the elder Elric gushed.

Roy had watched the exchange silently, but felt the need
to add his own two cents.

"Why are you so excited Al," he asked reasonably, "I mean,
you don't eat, right?"

"I don't know," Al admitted, "I just am! Ed will get it
all over his shirt and I'll have to wash it!" Al seemed giddy at the process.

"Well, you have fun with that," Roy said drolly.

"Thanks sir," Alphonse twittered merrily, "I will."

The armor is eating it's way though his brain, we have
to do something quick.
The Colonel mused.


First Lieutenant Hawkeye had gone to run an errand and
so the Colonel was making himself comfortable all slouched in his chair.

Havoc walked over to his desk and said: "I went out with
Stephanie last night."

With the First Lieutenant safely out of the building,
Havoc and the Colonel could indulge in a little 'guy talk'.

"Stephanie?" the Colonel said, "Stephanie from supply?
Stephanie from legal? Stephanie from that bar on the square?"

"No, no and no," Havoc said, and since the First Lieutenant
would likely be out of the office for some while since the Colonel had given
her bad directions, he took out a cigarette and stuck it in his mouth. The Colonel
causally fished out a glove and pulled it on. Havoc stood very still while the
Colonel squinted and wrinkled his nose, and then he snapped and the end of Havoc's
cigarette flared briefly and settled down into a comforting glow. Being allowed
to smoke in the office was Havoc's reward for not pointing out to First Lieutenant
Hawkeye that the Colonel had given her bad directions on purpose.

"This Stephanie works for a foundation," Havoc said, "and
she's a redhead to boot."

"Oh yes," The Colonel said, "I remember her, about so
tall, great rack, likes dogs," and the Colonel slouched some more, looking like
an abandoned rag doll.

Havoc swallowed. "Well yes," he said, "that would be the
one. But I've dated her twice," he rushed to add.

From the depths of his chair, the Colonel cocked one thin
black eyebrow and his smile was shiny and sharp.

"So, you've dated her twice, have you... " The Colonel
waved his still gloved hand in the air. "Have things gotten intimate?" he said,
smiling at the ceiling tiles.

Havoc clenched and unclenched his fists.

"Not yet," the blond Lieutenant confessed, "but I think
it's more important to have a relationship first and not just rush into things,"
he tried to sound refined instead of desperate at that point. Then he let out
a sigh of defeat, and said: "How long did it take you?"

The Colonel's evil black orbs dropped back to ravage his
face and the Colonel said airly: "I think it was 15 minutes, and she asked first,"
he said.

Havoc took a deep inhale of his cigarette, let the smoke
bleed slowly out of his nose and circle his head like his very own smoky crown
of long suffering lovelorn-ed-ness. "You're lying."

The Colonel, who was slouched so far down in his chair
by now, that you almost couldn't see him over his desk said: "Yeah, so what?"


Ed casually pushed the requisition form across the desk
to Sergeant Rusk and studied his glove hidden automail digits.

"What's this?" Rusk asked.

"A requisition," Ed said.

Rusk picked up the paper and studied it for a moment.

"Ok, machine oil, shop rags, lubricant," Rusk said.

Ed shrugged.

"Al's bath day," he said.


It was night, he was at home, he was naked and so was
Ed. These things made up for the crick in his neck from slouching in his chair
at the office all afternoon. He was also not dead because he's managed to scurry
out of the office before the First Lieutenant could find him. He was very pleased
with himself at finding a good hiding spot and being able to get out of the
building unseen. Tonight, he would finish out his will, leaving everything to
Ed and making sure Ed had a copy of it on him in the morning, for when the First
Lieutenant killed him dead for being both a slacker and practical joker, neither
of which fit into her vision of military correctness.

"Let's do something different tonight," the Colonel said,
smiling and playing with blond bangs.

"You're in a good mood for a walking dead man," Ed said,
"I can hear Hawkeye cleaning her gun from here," and the boy, charming and naked
flopped over into his lap and preened at the attention the Colonel was giving
him.

"It's been a while since we had a proper lesson," the
Colonel said, feeling giddy and free since tomorrow he would be dead and whatever
he did tonight would go to the grave with him, so he better make it good.

Golden eyes widened then narrowed as Ed stretch languidly.
The Colonel petted him and he began to purr.

"What did you have in mind," the imp in his lap said,
wiggling all around to be petted in certain places.

"Kink," the Colonel said, "some good old fashioned kink
on the vanilla side, since you are new."

"Vanilla kink," Ed asked, "what the hell is that?"

Roy patiently explained bondage, the tamest of all kinks
in his book and watched as Ed's eyes circumferenced his face. Ed had violently
shaken his head 'no' at the end and started to get off the bed, but Roy grabbed
him and held him against his chest and rubbed his automail arm and nuzzled his
lips in blond strands. When Ed finally stopped struggling to get away, he spoke
again.

"I know," Roy said, "I know why the thought of being tied
up isn't appealing to you, but I was thinking that perhaps you might like to
do it to me?"

Ed gave a little jerk, then his eyebrows furrowed. He
hadn't thought of it like that.

"I get to tie you up?" Ed said finally.

"Yes," Roy said, "and then you get to do whatever you
want with me." That was a very generous offer, Roy decided, and safe since Ed
himself was so vanilla, it was cavity inducing.

"Ok," Ed said, "then I'm in." And the boy got up on his
knees and looked at the Colonel.

"I have some old ties in the closet we can use," Roy said
helpfully and leaned forward.

"Nah, that's ok, time for me to earn my keep," Ed said
cheerily and he pushed one of Roy's arms back against the headboard, clapped
his hands and laid them to either side of Roy's wrist. The headboard shuddered,
then seem to liquefy and wound itself lovingly around Roy's wrist, tight, but
not enough to bite, and then it hardened again quickly.

"Neat trick," Roy said.

"It's a gift, what can I say," Ed said, and did the other
wrist.


Ed had the Colonel naked, bound and helpless, and still
the bastard looked like he was in control. He smirked at Ed and tugged on his
wrists a little and cocked an eyebrow.

What could Ed possibly do to make that look go away? Ed
wanted to be the boss, after all the bastard was tied up and said that Ed could
do whatever he wanted to do, but that meant that Ed could put his mouth on him
down there and then have to brush his teeth a few times afterwards. That was
what the Colonel really meant when he told Ed he could do whatever he wanted
to.

So Ed was not going to do that, but if not that, then
what? His hand? They did that a lot too. As a matter of fact, without mouths
and hands there would be no sex at all, not that Ed was complaining or anything,
but this situation called for spontaneity, innovation and down right wickedness.
Ed was a master of these skills in the field; he could just about transmute
his way out of any sticky situation that came along the pass. In fact, he was
so good at it, that he had gotten a reputation for being reckless by rushing
headlong at any roadblock that got in his way, simply for the fact that he
was sure a resounding clap of his hands and a little know how would render nothing
impossible. He and Al had already conquered so many impossible things, that
he thought the definition of the word should hold a disclaimer: unless your
name is Elric.

So in that way, his confidence was immeasurable. But here,
in this bed, in this room, with this man, he felt like a mouse. His mind suddenly
pounced on a tidbit of information, something he had done on one of those long
train rides back into the Colonel's arms not so long ago. He had borrowed one
of Al's books.

Even for sensationalist fiction it had been horrible,
how did Al read this dribble, but as he waded through the chapters with really
nothing better to do than to try not to think about that bastard, he
hit upon a section that made Ed see why Al consumed the things the way Ed himself
consumed chocolate, and he was pretty sure that what he read about was a kink.
Yes, he was pretty sure. No, he was positively sure, because no normal person
would do that so willingly. In fact, no sane person would, but being here in
this bed, in this room, with this man was enough to put his own sanity into
question to begin with. So yes, he'd do that, because the bastard wouldn't suspect
that. In fact, the bastard was smirking at him so intently he knew that the
bastard was literally willing him to put his mouth down there and he wasn't
going to do that (at least not yet, maybe later, after the bastard begged
him to, or something)
.

"I have a kink," Ed said hesitantly.

The Colonel almost jerked the headboard off the bed frame,
he leaned forward so hard.

"A kink," the bastard said in breathless wonder, then
gasped and then he was hard, just like that. It surprised them both so
much that they both jerked back, only the Colonel couldn't get away from it
because it was like, attached.

Ed started to scoot back, but the Colonel clamped his
knees on either side of his hips and strained against his own bound wrists,
which was just... wonderful, Ed thought. He looked wonderful all helpless and
desperate like that, and Ed felt a twinge between his own legs.

"Please tell me about it," the Colonel said with a definite
plea in voice, "I really want to know what it is. I mean, because I want you
to get into this too," he finished out sounding eager, but trying to sound like
he was being concerned.

Ed worked his jaw, plucked a pillow from behind the bastard's
back and flopped it behind him between the bastard's outstretched legs. Roy
watched as he made himself at home there, laying back, looking up at Roy. He
dropped his legs over either side of Roy's hips and Roy's balls brushed against
Ed's ass, causing him yanked on his wrists again making this sound, a little
whiny sound, that to Ed's shock and amazement, made him squirm.

It was giddy, this sudden burst of power Ed felt. The
Colonel twisted against his bound wrists, looking down at the offering splayed
in front of him just out of his reach. He made a positively male sound, a growl
from deep in his chest and now Ed was hard and the Colonel had done it to him
just like he'd done it to the Colonel and that was wonderful, too.

He wants to touch me. Ed thought and swallowed.

But he can't, I'm the boss.

He has to do what I say.

"You can't cum," the boy said loudly, boldly. 'You can't
cum until I say," and his cheeks were bright red since he'd never said anything
like cum before and the Colonel though about chewing an arm off to get
free.

The Colonel licked his lips and panted and said: "What
are you going to do to me?"

"I'm not going to do anything to you," Ed said. With cheeks,
neck and chest red, he reached slowly with his flesh hand and gripped his own
erection.

Roy's eyes exploded in their sockets, his breath lodged
in his throat, and his cock tried to pull free. Roy knew that it wasn't tomorrow
morning that was going to kill him, it was tonight.

Ed was stroking himself and making noises and arching
up into his own hand and was making more noises and was right there between
his own fucking legs and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. Roy's
chest heaved, the headboard rattled hard and sweat dripped from his chin and
landed on Ed's arm and stomach. Ed twisted his head as his mouth said Roy's
name. His fingers stopped at the head of his cock as he fingered his own damn
slit before starting to stroke again. The Colonel made a sound like a caged
animal and slammed the headboard back into the wall.

The little bastard laughed.

"If you cum," Ed husked out, "I'll stop."

Roy both hated him and loved him more in that moment than
anything that had ever come before.

Roy's vision swam and he nodded numbly. Must obey. If
he obeyed, after Ed was done, he would take pity. Yes he would, and then Roy
would fucking beg, oh yes, he would fucking well beg for those smirking lips
to wrap around his cock and Roy would fucking well tell this kid, this goddamn
little tease, just how fucking incredible he was, because Roy had no pride.
All of Roy's pride had seeped out of the soles of his feet the moment Ed had
touched himself.

Ed arched hard, his ass leaving the bed and Roy bent over
as far as he could, mouth open so wide it was painful, but he couldn't reach.
He made a raw, hungry sound and Ed collapsed down again, cried Roy's own goddamn
name again and groaned. If the Fuhrer were to walk into this bedroom at this
very goddamn minute and announce he was succeeding his seat to Roy, then the
Colonel would have just been forced to tell him to get the fuck OUT!

His cock began to write a declaration of independence.
It and the twins were defecting. They wanted to go live with Ed and they didn't
see why they needed the rest of the body to come with them.

"Ed," Roy's voice ground out and it sounded nothing like
him at all, it sounded like chains being dragged over asphalt behind a truck.
Roy tried again to free his hands and again the headboard held him. He actually
sobbed and shook his head, spraying sweat over the boy beneath him, and then
Ed tensed in the way Roy knew all to well, with his eyes wide open, his mouth
making a perfect little 'o' and Ed came with a lusty wail and it was GODDAMN
UNFAIR
. The Colonel slammed himself into the headboard one last time and
clenched his fists so tight, his nails made his palms bleed.

But Ed had cum.

It had fucking well better be his turn soon!


Ed was... warm and lazy and content. He stretch and sighed,
turning to rub his nose against the inside of someone's knee.

The Colonel made a choked sound.

Oh yes, the Colonel.

Another languid stretch and Ed opened his eyes to meet
the black eyes of a predator. A predator barely contained by restrains at his
wrists.

"You didn't cum, did you?" Ed asked, voice still climax
husky.

"No," came a guttural sound, nothing like a voice.

"Good," Ed didn't feel like sitting up, but he did stretch
out his flesh leg to run the side of his foot over a sweat-slicked flank.

"Touch me," the snarl said again.

"Not yet," Ed said and regarded the white painted ceiling.

"Do you want me to beg," the grating sound said, snarling
at the end.

"Oh, I hadn't thought about that," Ed said dreamily, "but
that might be nice."

Roy wet his lips, he had suggested this after all.

"Ed," he managed, "touch me," he panted, "with your mouth
goddamnPLEASE," he managed and stopped to breath and then gathered himself to
continue, "or with your hand, whatever you want," and he struggled again and
pulled at his wrists, "just put some fucking part of your body on some fucking
part of mine before I DIE!"

Sometime during this heart wrenching appeal to this golden
haired angel of sexual mercy, the boy had sat up. His legs were still splayed
over Roy's and he was leaning back on his hands. His blond bangs were half
obscuring his eyes and his lips were pulled into a smirk.

"That was really nice, even if you got a nasty mouth,"
his vision of climax nirvana to come said, "I think I might have to do something
for you now," the words tumbled form his heavenly lips, "my poor Colonel," his
vision of divine, sated completion cooed.

Yes oh yes, his love, his one true happiness. The boy
moved to sit on his knees, then he began wiping his hands in the sheets and
Roy got out: "No, don't waste it!" and opened his mouth, but Ed grimaced at
him with disgust and wiped harder.

Roy jiggled in place, he never jiggled, but he couldn't
sit still as Ed reached up and tucked his bangs behind his ears and crawled
forward looking down into the Colonel's lap intently. The Colonel's cock, already
crying for joy, also did a little jiggle and waved cheerily at Ed. Ed grinned
and touched the tip with one finger. He made a disgusted sound and wiped his
finger on the sheet, then pulled the sheet up and wiped the head of Roy's cock
free of pre-cum.

Roy made several choked off threats during this entire
operation and pulled hard at his wrists and leaned harder and managed to get
his mouth on Ed's head. He tried to bite down a bit, thinking of how a mother
cat carried her kittens, to pull the boy closer but Ed just grunted and swatted
at him saying: "Stoppit." so he did, because he could not think about upsetting
his darling right now, no he could not, not while the boy hovered over his cock
with an opened mouth. But then he stopped and looked up at the Colonel again
and Roy's jaw flapped gracelessly as he felt tears gather in his eyes. "You
have really nice shoulders, Roy. I mean, while you're pulling like that, your
shoulders really stand out."

What? What did that have to do with anything ED, and
please oh god please ED and get to fucking work now, goddamn you ED!

The boy looked at his face once more, then tilted his
head down, opened his mouth and lowered his head.

The phone rang.

Ed's head jerked up. "I'll get it," he chirped.

"NOLEAVEIT," Roy screamed, but he was already off the
bed and out the door before the last syllable bounced off the ceiling.

Roy gaped after the departed boy, this was not happening.
It was NOT. He refused to let his happen. He heard Ed shout from the other room.

The boy said: "WHAT?!"

"EDDDDDDD," Roy screamed, "EDGETBACKINHERE," he didn't
give a fuck who was on the phone. No he didn't, he didn't care who knew, no
he didn't, "EDGETOFFTHEFUCKINGPHONE," he screamed again.

The there was the sound of running feet. Finally the boy
was listening to reason, but the running feet did not come into the bedroom.

"EEEEDDDDD," Roy screamed, "I'MINHERE," he reminded him
in case the boy forgot, but how could he fucking forget and DAMN THE MANUFACTUERS
OF THIS FUCKING STURDY HEADBOARD.

Ed appeared briefly in the doorway of the bedroom, dressed
in the clothes abandoned earlier in the living room, but all untucked and askew.

"IHAVETOGOSOMETHINGHAPPENEDIHAVETOGOTOAL!" the boy screamed back.

"WHYTHEFUCKAREYOUDRESSEDFUCKITWHATAREYOUDOINGGODDAMNITED,"
Roy howled not hearing a word.

"ICAN'TSTANDAROUNDHEREARGUINGWITHYOUALNEEDSMEIHAVETOGO!"
Ed bellowed and turned on his heel and ran away.

Roy panted and stared, wetting his lips. This was an insane
cruel joke. "Ed," he called again, trying to sound reasonable, rather than sounding
homicidal. "Ed?"

The front door opened and slammed.

Ok, Ed was taking the joke too far.

"Ed?" Roy called one last time in anything near sane decibels.
There was no answer.

......

......

"NOOOOOOOGODDAMMITNOOOOOO" the Flame Alchemist screamed
for all the world to hear, he thrashed and slammed and kicked his feet and he
fucking cried.

"Someone hates me," he sobbed, "someone just fucking hates
me, it's YOU isn't it," he screamed at the ceiling. His cock had just declared
a coup and was rallying his internal organs into rebellion.

"You shut the FUCK UP," Roy screamed at his lap and then
hung against his bonds.

He was going to fucking kill the little bastard. He was
fucking going to fry every last hair on his fucking little blond head.


Ed tried to commit suicide by running in front of a cab,
but it screeched to a halt, barely bumping his stomach. While the driver gawked
and swore, Ed ran around the side and jumped in.

"I need to get to the East City Military Headquarters,"
he shrieked, "Just as fast as you can take me!"

Ed kept replaying the phone conversation over and over
in his mind.

"Brother?" Al had said tentatively, sounding distant on
the phone.

"Yeah," Ed had answered, hopping foot to foot and listening
to Roy scream, which only made him smile.

"I really hate to bother you," Al said again, sounding
faint.

"Al, speak up, I can barely hear you, and you uh, better
hurry, I'm sorta busy," Ed said.

Then he heard Al say: "Lieutenant Havoc, hold the phone
closer." which was kind of odd.

"What's wrong?" Ed said immediately, "What's Havoc doing
there?"

"Um," Al said, "I need you to come home."

"What? I can't right now, is it important?" Ed said, twisting
the cord and listening to the loud thunks coming from the bedroom where Roy
was trying to rip the headboard free of the bed frame.

"I got run over by a truck," Al said.

"WHAT?!" Ed had screamed.

Then, sounding like he was talking out of a box, he heard
Havoc say: "He's really flat."

Then Breda: "We could slide him under the door of your
dorm room until you get back," he chuckled.

Then Fuery: "I feel terrible. You guys, stop teasing him."

Then Falman, faintly, from way far away: "It was probably
a supply truck, it looks like an eight-wheeler."

Al had been run over by a supply truck. Ed lost his mind.

"WHAT?!" he screamed again.

"You see," Al said, "there was this kitty...."

"NO, I'll be RIGHT THERE!" Ed screamed into the phone.

"My helmet's ok," Al said, trying to sound positive, "it
came off and rolled away."

"I'm coming Al!" Ed half sobbed, hung up and ran to put
on his clothes, then he ran and told the Colonel and then he ran to catch this
cab, funny thing that, the Colonel not offering to come with him.


Roy heard someone muttering and he wished they'd shut
the hell up. His cock was still aching and he couldn't even reach it to do anything
about it himself. But whoever was muttering was first on his list for fiery
death when he got free. This muttering bastard, and then the FullMetal Alchemist,
both of them goners and nothing was going to save them.

He should have known. He just should have known it would
be like this. Because it was sex and it was Ed and apparently that combination
of things screwed with the whole fabric of the universe.

His wrists were sore and bruised by now, but the headboard
was too well made. He'd tried catching his erection between his thighs, ignoring
the fact it was physically impossible. He'd even screamed for Ed a few more
times on the off chance that he'd accidentally slipped, hit his head and knocked
himself out but was waking up by now.

No, he's not sure why he was hated as much as he was,
but if he had to suffer, then his whole goddamn world had to suffer, starting
with one SHORT, ABSOLUETLY MINISCULE, SHRIMP of a BOY... who he loved so much
it was a tangible thing. But that still wouldn't stop him from killing him.


Ed came running into the office, ran right into Falman
and toppled him onto Fuery. Fuery hit Havoc who stumbled over a metal rug on
the floor and fell on Breda.

Ed was the only one left standing.

"WHERE'S AL?!" he shrieked, and followed everyone's gaze
back to the floor.

His baby brother looked like a blow up doll with only
the legs inflated. His shoulders, arms, chest, pelvis area and upper legs where...
flat. Only from the knees down did the thing on the floor resemble Al, and that
was only because one of the knees had a boot scuff on it that Ed remembered
leaving there.

"ALPHONSE!" Ed wailed, "Where's his head?!"

Havoc picked himself up off the floor and patted the helmet
sitting on the Colonel's desk.

"It's fine," Havoc said, "not a scratch on it."

Edward ran over and fell to his knees beside his stricken
brother.

"How did this happen?!" he demanded of the others in the
room.

"I tried to tell you on the phone," Al's disembodied voice
rang from the flat metal, "but you were too busy shrieking to listen."

"The cat got out," Fuery said, also picking himself up,
then leveraging Falman back into a standing position, looking for the world
like he was propping up a board.

"Cat?" Ed asked, then looked down at Al, "Cat?" he growled.

"It was raining!" Al defended, "so I just brought it in
for a little while. You weren't home and I thought it would stop raining before
you got back!"

"I came by to pick up some books," Fuery said, hauling
on Breda's arm, but Breda looked comfortable and wasn't moving, "and when Al
opened the dorm room door, the cat ran out."

"I couldn't just let it run around in the dorm hallways,
so I chased it," Al said, "but I think my clanking must have startled her. Anyway,
she ran down the breeze way steps and outside."

"Why didn't you just let it go?" Ed asked, calmer now
that the washboard that was his brother was speaking normally and the blood
seal was apparently undamaged.

"Because it was still raining," Al said, "but anyway,
she ran out into the car lot and that's a dangerous place for a kitty, so I
went after her, but then she ran across to the fence and got out through a gap
in the gate and that is the big road you know. I couldn't let her roam around
there, so I went after her and she darted out right in front of this truck..."

Ed covered his eyes with his hand.

"So, I threw myself out and shoved her out of the way,"
Al said.

"And got run over by the truck," Ed said.

"Yeah," Al said, "and blew a bunch of its tires."

"You know," Ed said, "I honesty think that one day a cat
will be the death of me."

"You?" Al said.

"Yeah," Ed said, "a cat and an idiot little brother who
gets hit by trucks."

"Well I'm sorry I'm sure," Al snorted, "but I'll be dead
long before that because I'm the little brother of some idiot alchemist who
things he's nine feet tall and bullet proof."

"Touché Alphonse, touché," his brother said
and clapped his hands.


After Ed had repaired Al, stood around and thanked everyone
for helping out, and grit his teeth to let everyone make flat Al jokes, he was
just exhausted. He dragged back to the dorm room on the heels of his younger
brother, pulled off his clothes and collapsed on his bed. Al covered him up,
gave him a fond pat on the head and retired to the table to read some new books
Fuery had left him.

Ed slept peacefully. Al was ok and he was still pleasantly
exhausted from earlier. He curled up under his blanket and nuzzled into his
pillow, but after a bit he began to wonder why his pillow didn't smell like
that bastard's cologne and that made him twitchy. That bastard had looked really
good tonight. His eyes had been dark and wild, his hair clinging to his forehead
and sweat trickling down his nose and off his chin. That had been... sexy. The
Colonel had looked very sexy all crazed like that, teeth gritted making those
delicious deep sounds, shoulders prominent every time he strained against his
wrist that were alchemized to the headboard...

Edward Elric sat upright in bed and scared Alphonse Elric
half to death.

"HE'S GOING TO KILL ME AND I'M GOING TO LET HIM," his
elder brother shrieked, jumped out of bed, barely threw on his clothes and ran
out the door.

Alphonse Elric figured that now that Ed had a sex life,
he was just going to put up with odd hours and even odder behavior. Besides,
it was kind of nice when his brother came home afterwards; he was all cuddly
like a kitty and always had a smile on his face.


Roy jerked awake when he heard panting. He imagined it
was just his fevered imagination and he groaned because his back and shoulders
were so stiff. The panting came over to the bed and there was a clapping sound
with a flash of blue light that invaded under his half-raised eyelids. His arms
were suddenly free and that really hurt, because when they dropped, all the
blood rushed down to his fingertips like prodigal children rushing into the
arms of their long lost families.

"Are you ok?" the panting voice said at the side of his
bed. Roy gingerly rubbed one stiff wrist with the other hand. His brain, still
in doze mode, only offered a grunt in response to the question.

"I'm really sorry," the voice said again, calming now
and getting its breath back, "are you sure you're ok?"

Oh, it was Ed, what was Ed doing here?

"Hmmm," the Colonel offered, "is it time to get up?" he
asked.

Ed suddenly realized Roy wasn't quite awake, but he was
free now, which was his major concern. Maybe he should take this opportunity
to just slip out the door. He turned around slowly and walked as silently as
he could back the way he came.

There was a loud resounding 'snap' behind him and he froze
in his tracks.

"Fuck," the Colonel muttered, "forgot the gloves."