SCENE: East City bar. ED, AL, ROY, HUGHES and others are sitting at a table, night out, drinks with the boys kind of thing. HUGHES is high and happy; ED is sitting next to AL with a glass of orange juice looking as if he can't believe adults are so stupid. ROY is sitting next to ED with a similar expression and no drink]
Drink up, men! It's Alicia's birthday today,
and you're all celebrating with me!
Why am I here? I'm underage.
Why am I here? I'm supposed to be on a date.
Cheers! It's all on me! Happy birthday Alicia!
Now, now, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes is being
very nice, taking us all out...
[suddenly popping up, very angry]
MUSTANG! Why aren't you drinking?!
If drinking means acting like an idiot
the way you are, I'm going to pass.
[shoves photo of Alicia at ROY]
It's Alicia's birthday! You HAVE to drink!!
(Why do I have to when I'm not even related to her?)
[shoves a drink at ROY]
Colonel Roy Mustang—
I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DRINKING GAME!
[calmly, eyes closed]
ED watches rather amusedly (finally! something interesting at this adult's party!) while AL looks a little worried.
Heh heh...if you win I'll—
[leans down and whispers into ROY's ear]
ED and AL strain to hear whatever-it-is.
[suddenly stands up, looking very determined]
HUGHES and ROY face off both with drinks in their hands. Military personnel rally behind them, cheering for whichever contestant they favour. ED and AL are the in front row looking unimpressed with the adults' game.
[grins, grips his drink]
Right! First drink. One, two, three—!
CUT to shot of ED and AL. Around them are various shouts like 'Drink! Drink!' 'Come on, Hughes!' 'Gimme back my girlfriend, Mustang!' etc. etc.
...Don't tell me I'm going to be like this when I grow up.
[puts down empty glass]
Aah! Done, Mustang?
[also putting down his glass. He looks a little flushed, but still in control]
Far from it.
ROY smiles as his glass is refilled.
ED and AL:
Seventeen minutes later...
[high and happy and drunk, staggering about with a
half empty glass and leaning heavily on ED's head]
Ha! I'm WINNING!!
[lying over table looking depressed]
Damnit, get off me!
[grins and ruffles ED's hair]
Ah, Shorty, you make such a good arm-rest—
[anger from hell]
WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORTY?!
[sweatdrop as transmutation energy flashes from off-side]
Um, brother, that's not a good idea—
Shot of ED with a mallet that he has just smashed into the table. Reaction from people all around. HUGHES goes flying.
[puts hand to his head]
Dust clears to reveal Roy, still with glass (now empty) and flushed, but now also angry and dramatic pose.
[deadly serious and dark voice]
Are you challenging me?
[still PO'ed about the short thing, devil face
and fists clenched — mallet is on floor beside him]
I! AM! NOT! SHORT!!
[lifts hand, prepares to snap, looks EVIL]
You are ANNOYING.
[yelps as the glass of beer on a nearby intact table
explodes right next to him]
ED starts running. ROY maintains his pose, following ED with a glare and snapping his fingers. Glasses and jugs of alcohol around ED explode, causing havoc amongst the soldiers.
[has recovered and has grabbed onto ROY under his arms to no avail
as ROY continues lighting fires. HUGHES is still drunk and looks distressed.]
Oiii~ii, Rooo~ooyy...the Fuhrer is going to be very very very angry...
[massive sweatdrop as he watches]
The alcohol here must be very flammable.
ED has tired of running and stops by the bar. The barkeeper watches from his shelter behind the bar or table.
[puts his hands together to begin transmutation]
ED transmutes a hose that leads into the bar. We can't see what exactly it leads to, but the barkeeper is looking horrified.
[evil insane happy face]
Time for you to cool off!
ED turns on the hose. Liquid rushes out with great force, scattering people and wreckage everywhere. ROY is lost to sight.
AL and ED standing in drenched and ruined bar.
................The whole place is soaked in alcohol.
[triumphant, fist in air]
A pile of alcohol-soaked wreckage moves. ED and AL turn to look as ROY stands up, dripping wet. HUGHES lies very close by with swirly eyes.
[VERY EVIL NOT HAPPY FACE. One hand in pocket]
I. HATE. Getting. Wet!
ROY pulls out another spark cloth glove wrapped in plastic and puts it on.
[boggle-eyed as AL runs for the door]
Exterior shot of bar going up in flames.
HAWKEYE, looking Very Displeased, posed as if she's looking down at someone.
We see HUGHES, ROY, ED and AL standing in a line like school kids all looking chagrined.
Men! You go out and drink and what happens?!
What am I going to tell the Fuhrer when the
military gets a huge repair bill?
[points at ROY]
He started it!
ED jumps as two shots hit the ground near his feet.
[GLARE, holding pistol]
I don't care. All of you men, clean it up!!
[as HAWKEYE storms away]
...Aren't I her superior?
Don't argue with a woman, Mustang.
HAWKEYE is leaving. The soldiers watch her go whispering while HUGHES, ROY, ED and AL sigh and begin to clean up.
[moving some wood]
By the way, Colonel — what did Major Hughes
promise you if you played the drinking game?
['I hate cleaning up' expression]
He promised me a photo.
[nearby, looks up]
[grins over his shoulder]
Hawkeye in a mini-skirt.
Three shots hit near him. Shocked reaction from the guys.
[standing with pistol in hand, sweet evil smile]
By the way, gentlemen, you have one hour to finish
cleaning up. Do hurry — you don't want to get a court martial.
ED, AL and ROY: