Once upon a time in Roy's office, two people sat and agitated for the same reason.
Though they didn't know it was the same reason. Yet.
"Where is that damned Colonel?" Edward Elric said, amusing himself by transmuting Roy Mustang's pens into knives and back into pens again. This is stupid, he thought. I'm going to threaten him with one of these knives when he comes back. He likes that sort of thing, anyway; thinks it's kinky. That bastard.
"I don't know, but I need to talk to him too. He and I had plans tonight," Liza Hawkeye said, and returned to reading her report. This is stupid, she thought. He should be reading this report, and he promised me a nice dinner tonight. At an expensive place, not at the cheap cafes he always drags me to. That bastard.
Ed looked up and growled. "He doesn't have plans with YOU. He has plans with ME."
Liza reached down slowly toward one of the guns at her side. "He told me I was the only one!"
Ed sprouted several angry veins and transmuted his automail arm into its customary sword. "I AM his only one!"
They would have had a bitter bitchfight had both suddenly not stopped and realized it was all Roy's fault.
"He told me he loved me," cried Ed into his cafe mocha that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere since he was too young to drink alcohol.
"He told me he loved me too and that it was just me. I knew he was a player, but not for both teams," sobbed Liza into her wine that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
"Did he do the thing where he bought you the flowers..." Edward started.
"...and that was what finally made you let him in your pants?" Liza finished. Both cried harder, and made a decision that would change the state of Roy's mental health forever.
They staggered back to Roy's office, and made hot sweet blonde love in his chair.
They left him pictures of said hot sweet blonde love, and ran off together into the sunset.