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bob fish

Two Glasses of Pastis and a Bowl of Olives


"So. The lines are colour-coded, but not all the trains on each line take the same route. The T4 stops at every station, but the T6 is an express service which just stops at the major ones. That's how you missed your stop and ended up late. The stations marked with a circle on the map are interchanges. But don't ever change at Allenburg Square if you can help it, it gets rammed with tourists and it takes forever to get through. Go two stops on and change at Fuller Street instead. Got it, Jean?"

"Uh, I think so. So from home, instead of taking the T4 from Aveline Park, I should walk up two more blocks to Fountain, catch the T6, and change at Fuller Street. That makes sense. You're pretty good with this stuff."

"Well. I have to use the underground a lot for work."


"What the hell are you doing?"

"Go away."

"No, seriously. What the hell?"

"I am using this spirit gum to stick this necklace over my tattoo. Now stop poking your nose down my cleavage and give me some privacy, Envy."

"So the Lieutenant's going to score? Woo! That's real nice for the rest of us. Getting laid always makes you less of a bitch. Kind of."

"Envy?"

"Wha — aaaah! Aaah! The fuck? I was using those eyes. Hate when you do that."

"Envy. I am pushing you out the door. I am locking the door. And if you pour yourself through the keyhole, I am going to do that again."


"... So?"

"So? She's nice. She's a lovely young lady. Did I tell you she came over and got me to unpack the rest of my boxes? And she organised everything so nice, I'm telling you, a woman's touch, if I'd unpacked on my own it would all just have been in piles on the floor. And she showed me how to shelve my records so they don't get all scratched —"

"I mean, so, is she a babe or what? 'Cause, man, you've done nothing but talk about her nice personality, and you're starting to make me to think she's a dog."

"I'm being a gentleman. She's cute. No, cute is not the word. Actually, she is incredibly amazingly smoking hot. In fact, I can't believe she's such a nice girl, you'd think being so gorgeous she'd have an attitude, but no, she's really —"

"Havoc. What does she look like?"

"Cute face. Long hair. Great butt, teeny little waist. Greatest rack you've ever seen in your whole life."

"... I hate you."

"Really long legs, but not too skinny, you know, sort of muscley but not too much, kind of curvy thighs. Nice. Actually, she looks kind of like that movie star with the big hair, you know, Elsa Whatsit, what was her surname again?"

"Havoc? Go away."


"Work's going okay, I guess. Some funny stuff happened today, but I'm afraid it's top secret stuff, I can't tell ya. The boss is being kind of a slavedriver, but he's all right. How's your work?"

"Business is good. Although sometimes I think it would go easier if I didn't have any colleagues."

"They slack off a lot, huh?"

"Mmm. One of them's a really lazy type, but the rest, it's more that they ... take a lot of work to handle. This one guy, he's pretty competent, but I swear he spends more time trying to push my buttons than he does actually doing his job. And this other ... colleague of mine. He's such a sweet thing, but he's not exactly bright. I end up looking after him rather a lot. I don't mind so much, but when I'm not there ... well, sometimes I'm a little concerned about what he'll get himself into without me around. My boss can be a little unforgiving."

"You mentioned. So, sounds like you end up doing most of the work round there, huh?"

"Sadly, yes. Sometimes I think that if I left them to it, within a day they'd all end up, well, fired." 

"You know what I think the problem is, Solaris? You're just way too much of a nice girl."