One day Edward was out kicking the crap out of those damn Homunculus with Al when he got a message from Mustang. "That bastard colonel!" Edward yelled as he kicked Greed in the face. "He's becoming the Fuhrer i have to stop him!" "Okay!" Alphonse yelled back as he broke Envy in two.
They ran off and got on a train. The train wasn't going fast enough, so Edward used his super awesome alchemy skills to make the train go faster. The conductor made him king for the day since his train went so fast. It was a really cool fast train too.
The train stopped at Central and they got off and went straight to the HQ. The bastard colonel was on the steps and the Fuhrer was giving him his crown. "Your the greatest alchemist ever and i want you to be the fuhrer from now on" the old guy said while crying like Al used to when he was younger.
"of course i'll be Fuhrer" the bastard coloenel-now-fuhrer said and put the crown on his head which made him look really stupid. He pointed at everyone and screamed "now you bow down to me cause i am awesome and your not!"
"I WON'T BOW TO YOU BASTARD!" Edward screamed and ran up the steps. Everyone was cheering him on and Edward clapped his hands. He made a big pillar of stone that shot the bastard colonel into the air and he didn't land for 400 years. when he hit the ground he started crying and said "Edward you are the best alchemist ever and you should be fuhrer!"
Edward was really REALLY tall by then and he kicked Mustang in the face and took the crown. "THAT'S RIGHT I'M THE FUHRER NOW SO YOU HAVE TO WORSHIP ME MUSTANG!!!!!!" he yelled as he put the crown on his head which didn't look stupid anymore. "Yes your right i was wrong to call you short and stupid! Your the greatest alchemist ever SOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN ME!"
Edward grinned really big and waved his fist around "that's right, you bastard! that's the first time you've ever kissed my ass...but it won't be the last!!!"
Edward yelped, his pen skittering off the sheet. He looked up to find Roy Mustang, the bastard colonel himself, standing over him. Edward made a pitiful attempt to cover up what he'd been doing, his sleeves smearing the still-wet ink toward the bottom. How the hell did he sneak up on me like that?!
Mustang took an interest in what Edward was trying to cover up, and reached for the page. Edward scrambled to intercept Mustang's reaching hand, but the colonel was too fast. Mustang snatched the paper away and read over what Edward had written, a smirk slowly growing on his face.
The elder Elric expected Mustang to make some kind of comment. That was his claim-to-fame, wasn't it? Instead, the Flame Alchemist simply turned the sheet over and put it back on the desk. He tapped his finger on the page.
"This is the side you're supposed to be filling out, Fullmetal." Mustang put his hands behind his back and headed for the office door without another word.
Edward was shocked. That bastard colonel was just gonna shrug it off and walk away, when he had the perfect opportunity to make some kind of snide comment? What, was he sick or something? Dying? Edward could only hope.
"Oh, Fullmetal." Mustang paused in the open doorway, his back still to his subordinate. He spoke over his shoulder, the old smirk firmly back in place. "Me, kissing your ass? I don't think I could bend down that far."
He languidly shut the door mere seconds before the airborne teacup shattered against it.