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Big, But Not Scary


It was a sinister sort of bar, the kind of place where no one asked too many questions for fear of getting shot. But even the toughest of the tough were avoiding the two large, fierce-looking figures who sat drinking in the corner of the room.

Well, okay, only one of them was drinking.

And it was actually orange juice in his cup.

And the figure across from him was wearing ancient armor.

It was the first official meeting of the Big But Not Scary Club.

"I'm not really scary, am I?" protested the man in armor in a high, tinny voice that did not at all befit his huge body. "I've never hurt anyone and I'm always very polite!" He managed to look as sorrowful as someone in a suit of armor possibly could, and the man across from him patted his shoulder.

"I know what you mean, Alphonse," he said, his voice a deep but gentle rumble; he cleared his throat into his black beard. "The children always call me 'Mr. Curtis', but they come to my wife and call her by her first name."

"Which is terrible," sighed the armored man, "because Sensei is so much scarier than you—Ah! Please don't tell her I said that!" he panicked, waving his arms in front of himself in a decidedly apologetic and non-scary way.

The other man laughed, and it was a friendly laugh. "It's okay, I know!" he said, before he began to calm down and look sad again. "At least you don't find me scary. It hurts when the children take a wide path around me! I would love them as much as Izumi loves them!" For a moment, he looked to be on the verge of tears.

"Don't cry," said the armored man sympathetically. "I know how you feel." He made a sniffling noise. "We will someday prove to the world that just because we are big doesn't mean we are scary!"

And as the two men reached around the table and clutched at each other with big, manly hugs, the other patrons studiously ignored them. It wouldn't due to get beat up by the members of the Big But Not Scary Club. It just didn't look good, after all.