Ed leaped on Mustang the moment he entered the room. The surprise was enough to knock the older alchemist to the floor, and the position Ed took, straddling his hips, face lowered to just inches away from the other's face and breathing heavily was enough to inspire brief fantasies in everyone else in the room.
Then Ed transmuted his arm to a blade and Breda and Farman had to pry the kid off before he did something too stupid.
Mustang looked up at the people assembled in his office. "To what do I owe this pleasure," he said at last.
Hawkeye spoke up first. "Your sex life, sir. It's gone too far."
Breda nodded. "Yeah, you know I can understand you lusting after Hawkeye, and hell even Ed. But come on, even GIRLS don't lust after me. And after seeing the two of us on the parade fields they never will. This walk on the wild side has GOT to end."
"And I don't even know HOW I fit into this picture," Al said clanking a little as he took custody of his insanely writhing brother. "I mean, I'm not even anatomically correct. What could we possibly do together?"
Roy smirked briefly, then turned serious. "I'll have you know I'm in a committed monogamous relationship," said Mustang, pulling himself up off the floor and dusting himself off. 'And frankly it's none of your business what exactly we do together."
Havoc put his hands on his hips, "It's not so much the who or what, sir" he said. "Its WHERE. Exhibitionism is not cool. Girls are starting to look at me funny even after I tell them it wasn't me."
"Honestly, Sir," squeaked Fuery. "It would be easier if everyone knew about homunculi, but they DON'T. There are enough people in the mess hall speculating about my preferences. Seeing me... er... with you... er... on the basketball court... um...?" He blushed and hid behind Hawkeye.
"Let me put it to you this way, sir," said Farman. "Even though I respect you, If I catch you and myself making out in a park again, I will shoot SOMEONE."
Roy sighed. "I get it. We will be more discrete."
They filed grudgingly out of his office, Al carrying an incoherent Ed under his arm.
A few minutes later Roy arrived at his office.
He looked at himself sitting behind his desk. "Envy, I thought I told you me impressions were off limits."
Envy sighed and changed back to his usual form. "Your underlings are getting upset. Much as I hate to say this, but you are right. Maybe we should just keep to the office and your house. I think they plan to shoot you if they catch me pretending to be them."
Roy thought about it a moment. "Did they say anything about you pretending to be them in private?"
Envy raised an eyebrow. "Curiously enough, no. I think we have a loophole."
Roy smiled. "Great, then I'm in the mood for a little armor."
Envy laughed. "I hoped you'd want to do that one again!"