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Armstrong Does Not Get Enough Love


Armstrong in... Harry Potter!

"There are an awful lot of new students around this semester," Harry remarked, looking around the classroom. In the front row of the classroom, a blond first-year he had never seen before Christmas slouched in his chair, and yawned hugely.

"Didn't you hear?" Hermione leaned forward so she could talk to him across Ron. "There was some kind of disaster at one of the schools in Germany, so a bunch of the students and teachers are attending the other witching schools until it can be rebuilt."

"Well, I think it sucks!" Ron grumbled. "These little snots haven't got any idea how things run at Hogwarts."

"That's none of our business, Ron," Hermione said in her familiar bossy tone.

"What is our business is the question of who is going to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts this year," Harry interrupted. "Nobody knows?"

"We'll find out in just a few minutes, Harry," Hermione said. "DADA is first on our schedule today."

"AH! THE ATMOSPHERE OF LEARNING!" boomed out an unfamiliar voice.

As the students sat stunned, a huge man came striding in through the classroom door, his head barely clearing the frame.

"He's as big as Hagrid," a stunned Hermione whispered.

"Bigger," Ron gulped.

The giant didn't seem to notice as he paced to the front of the classroom, then struck an inspirational pose towards them. His black robes bulged around his arms and shoulders, and a single blond curl escaped from under his pointed hat. He also seemed to be surrounded by purple sparkles.

"Is that the Fairy Florescence charm?" Hermione could be heard to mutter.

"Young people!" the giant boomed. "You should consider yourselves lucky that you can take place in this glorious institution of learning, in this place, at this time, at the most critical juncture in history! There can be no greater opportunity than this chance to test yourself! To hone your skills! To learn the ways of the world and of wizarding! To shape yourselves into the beautiful and responsible adult wizards that I know you will someday become! Ahh, to be young again! Young ladies, young gentlemen, I am Alex Louis Armstrong, and I will help you on your way to destiny!"

"Yes, thank you, Major, very moving," the blond first-year at the front of the class said wearily. "Now, if you will kindly sit down, so I can start the class?"


Armstrong in... Inu-Yasha!

"Give it up, Baldy!" Inu-Yasha yelled, as he pulled the Tetsusaiga from his sheath, the blade transforming with a flash. "I've eaten tougher demons than you for breakfast and then gone back to lunch."

"Just hand over the shard, and we won't hurt you!" Kagome called over the clamor, clinging to her bike.

"Hmph!" Armstrong's muscles swelled with anticipation as he drew in a breath for battle, his shirt bursting to scraps as his muscles popped out from beneath. "With this fragment of the Shikon Jewel amplifying my power, I will show you... the technique that still gives Ishvar children nightmares into their adult years!"


Armstrong in... Lord of the Rings!

"Hmmm... and what do we have here?" Ponderously, the great Ent bent his head towards the two hobbits, one perched in each hand, who were staring in great awe at his inhumanly impressive bark-covered muscles. "Little orcs, I suppose?"

"Please, sir, we're not orcs, we're hobbits," Merry was quick to point out. "I'm Merry, and this is Pippin."

"Hobbits, hmm?" Armstrong furrowed his brow in thought. "I've never heard of hobbits before, but you do look a little small and cute to be orcs, so I suppose I can give you the benefit of the doubt and not rush to conclusions, hoom. My name is much too long to say in full, but I suppose if you translated it into your language, part of it would come out sounding like Alex Louis Armstrong. What are hobbits doing in Fangorn Forest?"

"Getting lost," said Pippin, "and hopefully, finding our way out again. "

"Well, then, you were lucky to run into me!" Armstrong boomed. "Nobody knows this forest better than an Ent! Just hop on my shoulder, what'd you call yourselves, Merry and Pippin, and I can carry you to the ends of middle-earth!"


Armstrong in... Angel Sanctuary!

"Sara... I'm sorry, but..." Setsuna's breath hitched, and he clenched his hand. The feel of the split knuckles swelling helped to calm and focus him. "You're the only one for me... the only one I love... I can't help myself!"

He turned away, rage and longing swelling up in his heart, but Sara touched his hand and smiled at him gently. "It's all right," she told him. "I understand. I feel exactly the same way. No other man in the world could do the same for me that you do."

"Sara...?" Setsuna breathed.

"Ahh, sibling love!" Armstrong boomed, and clapped them both on the back, sending the startled teens staggering into each other's arms. "No surer bond of affection exists on this earth. May you two find eternal happiness!"


Armstrong in... Soul Calibur!

"Louis Alex Armstrong has been seriously wounded... BUT THE SOUL STILL BURNS."


Armstrong in... Gundam Wing!

"I can't believe it!" Duo swore as he peeled his way out of his Gundam, flinging his helmet away so fiercely that it bounced off the hanger wall. "They trashed it! Those OZ jerks completely trashed my buddy Deathscythe!"

"Don't take it so hard, young man," Professor G soothed him. "Yes, your Gundam is out of commission for the time being, but we'll have her up and running again in no time."

"That's still time in which I won't be able to fight against Oz!" Duo was practically seething in frustration.

"Ah ha, but it so happens we have a spare!" G told him knowingly. "Follow me, and I'll show you!"

"A spare... mecha?" Duo followed after, intrigued. G lead him from that room of the hangar into the next one. The braided pilot stopped dead as the huge machine came into view.

"It's the latest design," G told him proudly. "The Gundam Strongarm! Artistically implemented, isn't it?"

"Uh, Prof," Duo gulped. "Are you sure this is meant to be... a fighting suit?"

The violet lights of the hangar winked off of the mech's proudly smooth bald head, its fierce-looking pointed mustache, and the imposing gundanium-plate muscles coating its arms and chest.


Armstrong in... Naruto!

"Don't mess with me!" Naruto asserted. "I'm the strongest ninja in my village! A big, fat, bulky hulk like you is no problem for me to kick into next week!"

"Ahh, but you have not learned as much as you think you have, grasshopper!" Armstrong rumbled under his black mask. "Don't underestimate the power of... the Secret Ancestral Armstrong Clan Artistic Earth-Shaping Technique!"


Armstrong in... Ranma 1/2!

"Watch yourself, young man," Armstrong told them with a steely gleam in his blue eyes. "Don't underestimate the power of... the Armstrong Family School of Artistic Method Martial Arts!"


Armstrong in... Sailor Moon!

"Don't underestimate the power of... Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Armstrong!"


Armstrong in... Star Trek!

"Captain!" the man at the helm called. "Come look at this!"

"What is it, Lieutenant?" The captain came striding around the arc of the bridge, to lean over the lieutenant's shoulder.

"I'm not sure, sir," the young man responded. "There seems to be some kind of unusual space-time anomaly ahead that's setting off the sensors."

"Can we identify it?" the captain asked, glancing over the readouts.

"Not yet, sir," he said. "But it appears to be emitting of some kind of intermittent violet fluorescence of an unknown electromagnetic frequency."

"In other words... it's sparkling?"

"Yes, sir."


Armstrong in... Boku no Sexual Harassment!

...

Okay, I don't even want to think about this one.