"For the last time, we are not having this conversation!"
"But you're the only one who knows!"
Roy Mustang sighed, and rubbed his forehead irritably. There was a headache forming there, he could tell, brought on by paperwork too long procrastinated, and then, once he'd finally seriously buckled down to work, more unanticipated delays not of his own making. "Alphonse, I have work to do," he temporized.
The young man in question planted his hands on the desk, and leaned over it, his face broadcasting enough earnest young stubbornness to make Roy tired. "Colonel—" Al started.
"I'm no longer a Colonel," Roy reminded him brusquely. "Besides, you don't need to call me that, since you're not in the military." And therefore shouldn't be in my office, was the unspoken addition to that.
"But Roy," Al said, completely ignoring the message, "nobody else knew Brother as well as you did. You were closer that anyone. You were sleeping with him, so who else better than you to answer my questions?"
Roy fought off a blush that threatened. "I don't kiss and tell," he protested, and then under his breath, "and I'm beginning to wish I'd never told you..."
"As his brother, I have a right to know," Al shot back, turning his own rationalizations against him. "Besides, I knew once already. Brother would have told me everything. They're just in with all the other memories I've lost and can't get back!"
"Your brother certainly would not have told you about this," Roy lied through his teeth. In fact, Ed had told Roy quite up front that he kept no secrets with Al; compulsive honesty on both fronts had been one of Ed's hallmarks.
"Yes, he would have." Al leaned further across the desk, just infringing on Roy's personal space. "Brother always told me everyhing when we were young. We had no secrets, because we were always together. If that... if that wouldn't change, then he wouldn't have started hiding things from me. Not like this."
Roy swallowed his bluff without choking, mostly. "Alphonse..."
"Did you ever have sex with Brother in the office?"
That, Roy choked on. "Alphonse!"
"You did, didn't you?" Al said, straightforward and direct. "I don't know what other use you'd have for these couches; you never have more than a few people in your office anyway. Did you take all your clothes off, if you were in the hurry in the middle of the day? Did he? Or did you two just get far enough to do the deed?"
Roy felt heat flooding his face, as Alphonse's brash observations hit a little too close to home. "That's none of your business," he sputtered.
"Were you always the one on top?" Al wanted to know. "Or did you let Brother top you sometimes instead? And if so, which way did he like better?"
Roy muttered something incoherent, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Al ignored him, continuing on. "Did you ever go down on him? Or get him to go down on you? Was he any good? He always did have a big mouth, I know..."
"Size has nothing to do with it," Roy said distractedly. "He lacked experience." Experience that Roy had, and was all willing enough to grant; Ed was an apt pupil. It hadn't been long before Ed had learned to stop gagging, to keep his teeth out of the equation and exactly how to pull—
Roy squirmed again. Remembering those wild, passionate, completely inappropriate moments with Edward were not doing a thing to help him cope with Alphonse's presence, particularly not with how closely Al was determined to copy his brother's appearance.
"I wonder," Al said, oblivious to Roy's predicament—or perhaps just not caring. "Did Brother like it when you played with his nipples? I know some guys do and some don't..."
"And what did he sound like when he came? Did he make a lot of noise, or try to stay quiet?"
"If he was loud, how'd you keep him quiet when you were in the office? Did you kiss him, or get him to go down on you to keep his mouth full? Did he—"
Roy surged up out of his chair, driven by flustering heat and uncomfortable pressure. His hands landed on the desk, on the outside of Al's, and his face ended up inches from the boy's.
Al's eyes widened, his mouth hung open, and he blushed at last, as if the import of his words only just caught up with him. He looked far too innocent, Roy thought resentfully, for such a straightforward and unabashedly dirty mind.
It really was unfair, Roy thought, how much the boy resembled his brother. Especially when flustered, flushed and embarassed... Roy narrowed his eyes, and let himself smile, sending a warm flush of promise down to the rest of his body. "I believe," he said in his best sultry tone, the one that had never before failed to compel an Elric into bed, "that it would be an order of magnitude simpler just to show you the answers to your questions."
Alphonse gaped, blushed, and stuttered, but like every Elric who had crossed this office before him, he never backed down from an opportunity to learn.
Roy never did get around to completing his paperwork. But that was all right, since most of it was ruined in the practical demonstration that followed anyway.