Pervy Elric Fanciers Anonymous

The first meeting of E.F.A. was called to order, in good order. The crowd took a little longer to calm down, chatting and laughing with a nervous edge among themselves, but they eventually settled.

Roy cleared his throat, and stepped up to the podium. "Welcome to Elric Fanciers Anonymous," he said. "We're all here to support each other because we have a common problem: an unhealthy fascination with an Elric. For a start, let's go around the room and all introduce ourselves."

"My name is Roy Mustang and I fancy both brothers." He sighed. "I know it's inappropriate for an officer of my position, but I am also a red-blooded man! I can't help but feel a strong attraction for both of them." He sat down.

"Well, I've always fancied Ed, myself," Winry began, from her spot at the end of the first row. "Of course they both are very dear to me as friends and brothers, but as Ed's automail mechanic, Winry Rockbell, that's me, hi, I get a lot of opportunity to see him with his shirt and pants off. Ooh!" She wriggled briefly, and many others in the crowd glared jealously.

"Al," Hughes admitted, pushing his glasses up on his face. A number of people in the rows behind him murmured agreement. "I know that they feel towards me more as a father figure, and of course when I first met Al he was in that awkward armor, but now that I've seen him as a human I can't really restrain myself. He's as gorgeous as my Alicia! Only older, and not related to me!"

"...right," Roy said, and cleared his throat again. "Moving along..."

"I must agree with the Colonel," Armstrong rumbled. He got three seats in the row to himself, since his huge chest spilled out onto half the chairs on either side. "I prefer the brothers together, especially since Alphonse's restoration. The bond they share is so beautiful! Ah, brotherly love!"

"Ed," Havoc mumbled, leaning carefully to the side to avoid Armstrong's sparkling aura. "Even if he is just a short little kid, he looks damn hot in that coat."

As a group, the entire crowd shifted to stare at the man sitting at the end of the row; a tall man, with long blond hair tied back in a ponytail and glasses obscuring his gold eyes. "Well, my name is Hohenheim, and I'm Ed and Al's father—" He blinked, registering the looks he was getting. "What?"

"Ah..." Roy coughed. "Are you sure you have the right building? You are aware that this is the meeting of Elric Fanciers Anonymous, right?"

"Of course," Hohenheim said with some surprise. "Why wouldn't I—Trisha. Trisha Elric, you perverts! My wife!"

"Ah. Of course."