"Al, you traitor," Ed accused, in a somewhat muffled voice owing to his position.

Al sighed, settling his metal bulk against the office wall. "It's your own fault, Niisan," he reminded him once again. "You—"

"—knew what the penalty was if they caught me cheating, and did it anyway," Ed finished for him, and twisted around, one cheek smashed flat against the wood of the desk, to glare at his brother. "You're still a traitor. You could have supported me!"

Al shook his head, producing a rattling sound. "I think you either need to stop playing House Rules poker with the Colonel's team, or stop cheating," he said wearily.

"I can't believe you people," Ed accused, turning his head in the other direction with some difficulty. He tried to straighten up off the desk, but the ropes running from his wrists to the desk legs kept him pulled down flat. "I'm a guy. You're all guys. There's no statistical way that all of you can be gay. You can't possibly all want to fuck me!"

Roy strolled over, smirking smugly, and gave Ed's hair a condescending pat. "Welcome to the military, Fullmetal."

Ed whined, and surreptitiously attempted to scratch an escape array on the wooden surface of the desk. Roy gave his hand a sharp smack. "None of that," he said brusquely. "Accept your punishment like a man."

"Like a man, yes, not like a woman!" Ed said desperately, trying to kick, but his legs had been secured as sturdily as his arms. He slumped in defeat against the hard wooden surface, and sighed. "Donate all my books to First Branch," he declared. "And all my savings. Make them name a wing after me."

Roy chuckled. "You'll be fine, don't worry," he said, glancing over as the other blue-uniformed officers began filtering back in. "We'll be going in ascending size order. You'll be nice and stretched before the bigger ones come along."

"I guess you'll be going first then, huh Colonel?" Ed said snidely.

Roy glowered. "Keep on flapping that mouth, Fullmetal," he advised dryly, "and we may take that as an invitation to fill it."

Ed's response was nonverbal, but there was no ambiguous way to misinterpret that hand gesture. Roy chuckled as he pushed away from the desk again, and began deftly undoing Ed's belt, to a steady chorus of complaints and imprecations from Ed's party.

The rest of the military officers had filed into the room—apparently from the bathroom, where they'd been determining the proper filing order. Breda, Farman, and Havoc took up casual stations by the wall, casually chatting and settling in for a wait, while Fury came forward eagerly. Ed craned his neck around, trying to get a look at what order they'd arranged themselves in, but gave up and turned back straight with a grumble. He seemed thoroughly resigned.

Al wondered whether or not it would be kinder to warn him when Armstrong squeezed into the room.

With a gusty sigh, Al settled himself on the windowsill on the far side of the Colonel's desk. He was just staying here to make sure Edward didn't get hurt. Really.

If his intentions had been anything less than pure after all, he would have sat down on the other side of the desk.