MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES: RULES FOR HOUSE 12B
Kindly take note the following rules. Moo Moo Corporation always strives to ensure employee happiness and safety; the following rules are therefore for your benefit.
RULES FOR HOUSE 12B
1. DO NOT OFFER MILK IF IT IS THE CRAZY KID THAT ANSWERS THE DOOR.
The kid most emphatically does not like milk. He really, really does not like milk, and while it is sad that he doesn't like milk and will undoubtedly miss out on all the nutritional benefits our milk offers, we do not want to press the issue. He will demonstrate that he does not like milk on your person, and it is most advisable not to mention whom you are employed by if you should be so careless as to utter the word. If he answers the door, simply deduct milk from the standing order, give him butter and cheese, and flee for your life.
The kid is easily recognizable by his golden hair and eyes, his automail arm and leg, and the obvious chip on the shoulder. Refrain from conversation, observe the usual etiquette, and you should be able to leave unharmed.
2. YOU MAY OFFER MILK IF: THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE ANSWERS THE DOOR
If the master of the house answers the door, it is safe to give him his full order and his milk.
HOWEVER. Regardless of whether he has stolen your latest girlfriend, courted and dumped your sister, kissed the one burning passion of your life, you are strongly discouraged from attacking him on his own doorstep. For one, you are there in the person of the Company's Employee, therefore you should not be attacking our customers. And number two, he is the Flame Alchemist. Damaged uniforms will be deducted from your pay.
2a. YOU MAY OFFER MILK IF: A YOUNG LADY ANSWERS THE DOOR.
It is also safe to give her milk, even if she is not the same young lady you saw yesterday. Pay no attention to small details like that.
However, it would be greatly advisable not to comment on her state of undress, even if she is likely to catch a cold. Merely bid her a good morning and stop staring. She is obviously not available, and you have a milk run to attend to.
3. LEAVE THE ORDER AT THE DOORSTEP IF THE FAMILY DOG ANSWERS THE DOOR.
If the family dog answers the door, you may rest assured the transaction will be the most painless of all. Simply retrieve the envelope containing the payment, leave the order on the doorstep and bid the dog good morning. Not only is it polite, it makes the dog happy, and the crazy kid likes it when the dog is happy.
If you follow the above rules, you should have a safe and happy milk run.
—Moo Moo Corporation
Mooving Milk to Your Doorstep