Only in Fairy Tales

Everything was HIS fault.

If all the problems in the Universe could be traced back to its origin, Edward Elric was certain that Roy Mustang would be behind all of them. If it involved frilly dresses, animal costumes and the like, most definitely the Flame Alchemist had a hand in it.

Ed gave an experimental jump.

They jiggled.

He squeezed them.

They were firm to the touch.

He lay back on the couch (in Roy Mustang's office, where else?) and declared, "I'm not wearing this."

"They're sewn to the dress fabric, Fullmetal. Besides, you voluntarily agreed to come to the costume party."

"I didn't agree to wear some stupid GIRLY OUTFIT WITH BOOBS STUCK ON THEM!"

"Which you look good in."

"Really." Ed looked quite murderous.

"Let down your hair, and you'd look like Goldilocks."

Ed grumbled but obliged, combing his hair with his fingers. He smoothed down the rumples in the skirt he was wearing. "And what about you?" He stomped over to his superior's side of the room and tore open the package which contained the costume of...

"A bear?" Ed blinked.

"Papa Bear to be exact." Roy couldn't help but add, "You're welcome to try my bed anytime. It's neither too hard, nor too soft but just right..."

According to Second Lieutenant Havoc (who came as a detective, with coat, hat and pipe to boot), the highlight of the Military's Annual Costume ball was the spectacle of a big brown bear being chased by an axe-wielding Goldilocks.

"That's nice," Hawkeye said (wearing a tool belt complete with wrench, black tube top and overalls). "Now where is the Colonel? He's supposed to have given the welcoming speech half an hour ago."