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Popping Shrimps


"What is this?" Ed rapped at the metal casing.

Hawkeye replied, not looking up once from her paperwork. "It's called a computer. Lt. Colonel Hughes brought it over today from Intelligence. He says it was confiscated from some smugglers from Xing."

Havoc couldn't help but swivel his chair from his side of the office. "The Xing people were always more technologically advanced than us, but I never thought they'd make something that would make typewriters obsolute." He ruefully glanced at his typewriter and picked at the jammed keys. "It'll make my life easier, that's for damn sure."

"Anyway," Hawkeye cleared her throat. "The Lt. Colonel thought you might want to take a look at it, Edward-kun. He's having a few of them set up in the spare room down the hall."

"Is that what..." Ed glanced at the instructions taped to the casing. "...they call the Inter-Net?"

"They can connect the computers together to work together then?" Al asked, becoming more curious of their new toy.

Hawkeye nodded.

"Can we search for research files?"

Ed visibly perked at his brother's statement.

Hawkeye affirmed it.

"Maybe we could find something on the Philosopher's Stone! Right, Al?"

The hulking suit of armor let out a happy sigh.

"Which means..." Ed started scanning the instruction manual. "We could do anything we want! Research, buy the materials we need, communicate..."

"And search for free porn." Havoc pointed out.

The Elric brothers dashed to the door when Hawkeye reached for her pistols.


"So you see, if you click on this icon and it'll open the browser. Then type the website into the address bar..."

"Uh...Hughes-san, Nii-san and I already read that in the manual."

Ah? Is that so?" Hughes rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Then I can leave early! I have to pick Elysia from school!" He turned to leave but stopped halfway.

"Ed, Al. Don't forget to visit this website after you research. Okay?" Hughes then left (skipping to the door, as Al remembered).

Ed and Al glanced at the slip of paper Hughes gave to them.

www.elysiasbirthdaypictures.com

www.elysiaanddaddyandmommyatthebeach.com

www.elysiaandi.tv

Silence reigned in the room.

"Is he for real?"

"I think so, Nii-san."

"Well, anyway." Ed tucked the paper into his pocket for safekeeping. "Let's see what we can find." He opened the browser window. And STARED at the homepage. "I'M GOING TO KIIILLL HIM! WHO THE HELL IS HE CALLING A SHRIMP THAT IS TOO SMALL TO BE EATEN?!?!?!?"

"Nii-san! Don't throw the chair at the monitor!"

"DAMMIT MUSTANG!!"


Hughes placed the mug of coffee on Roy Mustang's desk. "Was it your idea to set the homepage to www.tastyshrimps.com?

"Not to mention that you rigged the thing so that there are pop-up ads from GodHatesShrimp.com and GrowBiggerIn10Days.com?"

Roy merely smirked. And reached for the coffee the same time the door flew open. And an enraged Fullmetal stomped in, with Al in tow.

Before Ed could open his mouth to scream at his commander, Roy beat him to the punch. "So," he took a sip of coffee and winked at his subordinate. "Did it help?"

Surprisingly, Ed didn't rise to the challenge. He glared daggers at Roy Mustang and went out the same way he came in. Stomping all the way. Al bowed apologetically and raced after his brother.

"Complete victory." Roy proclaimed.

Hughes watched his friend mournfully. 'It's a premature assumption, my dear friend.' He thought.

The next day, East City broadsheets printed stories about the mysterious transformation of the entire city's coffee supply into Oolong Tea. The only clue to the culprit was a single strand of blonde hair and red cotton fibers caught at the storage facilities' doors.

Roy Mustang was in Coffee Withdrawal for weeks.

Thus the Fullmetal Alchemist claimed his revenge.