The first thing Edward Elric noticed when he and Alphonse returned to East City headquarters were the whispers behind their backs. Then those whispers turned to lecherous grins and winks.
One female secretary, her face all red, congratulated him on "finally getting some." She left a dumbfounded Ed gaping at her when she ran away. (her cheeks still the color of a ripe tomato)
The only problem was that Ed didn't know what the heck "getting some" was or what he was being congratulated for.
When the occurrence of the grins and winks escalated within the next few hours, he had enough and sought out Lt. Colonel Hughes. (who just happened to be visiting)
Hughes denied that there was a conspiracy against the Fullmetal Alchemist. He claimed that he knew nothing of what was going on, all the while clinging to a photograph of Alicia. (for moral support)
Ed didn't believe him of course, and was in a foul mood all day.
Alphonse left his fuming brother, feigning that he promised to visit Alicia. Thankfully, the people in headquarters followed his example and left Ed to his own business.
Or at least most of them did. One private had the misfortune of laughing out loud when Ed passed by. Ed, cornered the poor man and demanded a reason for the laughing. While the soldier was frantically trying to come up with an excuse, Ed noticed him trying to hide something behind his back.
Ed snatched what the man was trying to hide and he found himself holding a photo.
He took one look at the photo...
It took 500 men to try to stop Ed from rampaging into Colonel Roy Mustang's office and destroying the entire executive wing. (It was reported that those same 500 men requested transfer to Lior the next day, claiming that it was less dangerous in the battlefield than being within a mile of the Fullmetal Alchemist)
When he was sufficiently calmed down, he confronted Colonel Mustang.
"Care to explain this?" He growled and waved the photo at his superior.
"Oh." Mustang laughed. "Thanks for bringing it back. I'll put it back with the rest of my private collection."
A week later,in Central, Fuhrer King Bradley wondered how on earth a section of East Headquarters manage to implode and why so many men begged to be transferred from Mustang's command.
"Twenty thousand...Thirty thousand...Forty..."
Lust blinked at the bundles of cash Envy was counting. "Where did you get all that money?" She asked, genuinely curious.
"...ninety... Eh? Oh, from a private photoshoot." Envy gathered all the banknotes.
"...one hundred thousand." He sighed with relief and flipped his hair absently. "Do you know that Colonel Mustang has a thing for the Fullmetal Shrimp? Or that he has a Shota-complex?"
"Let me guess, he paid you that much for transforming into Edward Elric and posing nude."
"Not just nude!" Envy grinned. "He's so obviously into bondage. Collars... leashes... handcuffs... the works!"
"What do you think would happen when the Fullmetal kid finds out?" Lust pondered, patting Gluttony's head.
"Dunno... destroy all the photos and then kill the Colonel?"
"Photos? What is that? Can I eat it?"